"But when I held that 9, all I could see was my mama's eyes"
Think about your mom, kid. Your mom obviously brought y'all up, in a fucked up situation, and didn't kill herself...so you owe it to her to keep yourself alive. Suicide is for the weak, for people that don't have shit, or for the selfish. You think you don't have shit, but you still have your family...fuck material objects, they don't mean shit if you ain't got somebody who loves you.
You have a roof over your head and you've eaten more than somebody who has no food resources whatsoever, that's what matters.
You wouldn't be killing yourself man, you'd be killing your whole family....