Fmylife.com

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Jun 3, 2006
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#4
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML
 
May 4, 2002
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#6
Today, when my boyfriend and I were lying in bed, he grabbed my double chin and goes "gobble, gobble". FML

LMFAO, this site is of the hook
 
Apr 15, 2007
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www.facebook.com
#8
"Today, I told my long-distance girlfriend that I just could not handle the distance and we should just be friends. To which she responded, 'What? You thought we were going out? Lol'". FML

"Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class." FML

LOL
 

L.D.S.

The Bakersman
Aug 14, 2006
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Mizzourah
#9
Today, I told my parents I really missed them and wanted to come home for the weekend, I haven't seen them in months. They told me that was a bad idea and they couldnt fit me into their schedule. I asked what their plans were. They said they didn't have any yet. FML

OUCH.
 
Nov 5, 2004
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#10
Today, I was complaining to my mom about how my sister looked like a barbie doll next to me. I was saying how she was so tan and her hair looked awesome next to mine. She paused for a while and then said "Well you're pretty on the inside." FML

Today, my friends and I decided that we were going to make fun of our teacher by laughing as hard as we could at the first thing he said because he was always cracking horrible jokes. He walked in and told us his father had just passed. I was the only one to laugh. FML

Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep. He looked at me laughing and said "See you in a decade." FML


rofl
 
Apr 19, 2008
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#13
Today, me and my boyfriend were hooking up while watching a movie. Just as I was getting really into it, he told me to move my head. He couldn't see the television. FML





tell me why my girl pointed at me after i read it outloud to her? oh i know, cuz i did that shit before
 
Apr 23, 2006
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#14
Today, me and my boyfriend were hooking up while watching a movie. Just as I was getting really into it, he told me to move my head. He couldn't see the television. FML





tell me why my girl pointed at me after i read it outloud to her? oh i know, cuz i did that shit before
lmao i was watchin hitched in theatres on valentines day a few years back and i was makin out wih the he girl i was with and hen someone drove up in a maybach on the screen and i grabbed her face and pushed it away like "damn is that a maybach" lmao she was pissed but whatever
 
Apr 23, 2006
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#15
Today, my boyfriend called me from a payphone because he lost his phone at the airport. When I texted his phone to get a response from someone who stole it [because it was still on whenever I called], I received a message back saying, "Love the pics. Send more ;]" FML
lol
 
Apr 23, 2006
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#16
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
ahahahhahaahaaaaaaagagagagagahaahhahaha
 
May 11, 2002
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#17
Today, my tattoo artist boyfriend of five months gave me my first tattoo in celebration of my 18th birthday. It was supposed to be a heart with my name in script. He spelled my name wrong. FML
 
Jun 13, 2002
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siccness.net
#19
F MY LIFE!

http://www.fmylife.com/

Today, me and my girlfriend were buying Subway. When it came to ring up the order the lady asked us together or separate? My girlfriend looked and said separate. Half-jokingly, I asked if it was some sort of hint? She looked at me and said yes. I got broken up over a 12 inch Ham Sub. FML
#2104597 (25) - 05/20/2009 at 1:37am by Richie - love - I agree, your life is f***ed (2901) - you deserved that one (169)



Today, my husband was leaving on a long business trip to Germany. As he's leaving, my daughter starts crying. 'Dont leave me with her !' she says. 'Take me with you !' FML
#2104254 (16) - 05/20/2009 at 1:18am by Anonymous - kids - I agree, your life is f***ed (2530) - you deserved that one (333)



Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML
#2103981 (47) - 05/20/2009 at 1:10am by Takuma - sex - I agree, your life is f***ed (482) - you deserved that one (3151)



Today, I was riding the bus home from school. I was sitting by myself, and my backpack was occupying the seat next to me. A hot girl boarded the bus, and was standing right where I was sitting. I proceeded to place my backpack on my lap, freeing up the seat. The girl stood the entire bus ride. FML
#2100756 (31) - 05/19/2009 at 11:31pm by EricCartman - misc - I agree, your life is f***ed (2392) - you deserved that one (259)



Today, I adopted a dog from the local shelter. I put the dog in the car and he was shedding everywhere, but I was ok with that because he was my dog. As I pulled into the parking lot, the dog began to poop in the backseat of my car. When I got him out of the car, he ran off. $100 for him to poop and run away. FML
#2097800 (35) - 05/19/2009 at 10:17pm by Debra2005 - misc - I agree, your life is f***ed (3283) - you deserved that one (743)



Today, my brother came out to our family as being gay. My mother starting crying because "She wanted grandchildren." I told her that I was planning on having children. She started crying harder. FML
#2095201 (32) - 05/19/2009 at 9:21pm by bopbop - kids - I agree, your life is f***ed (4616) - you deserved that one (201)



Today, I was on the bus home and on the phone with my best friend discussing my sex life with this new guy I'm seeing. I was telling her all sorts of raunchy sex things we've done until someone taps my shoulder and says "I'm sure he doesn't appreciate you saying this in public." It was his mom. FML
#2093858 (62) - 05/19/2009 at 8:51pm by Kens - sex - I agree, your life is f***ed (1045) - you deserved that one (5350)



Today, I walked into the office of my new orthodontist. As I went up to the receptionist to inform her that I was there, she immediately puts down the phone and kindly starts to explain that this is an orthodontists office, and not a dermatologist. I never thought my skin was that bad. FML
#2089501 (19) - 05/19/2009 at 7:16pm by himym_love - health - I agree, your life is f***ed (3832) - you deserved that one (147)
 
Dec 19, 2006
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#20
Today, I wake up, switch on TV and the first thing I see is the picture of a wanted rapist who looks just like me. I’m afraid to leave home. FML