Why I fired my Secretary

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Jun 13, 2002
13,154
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siccness.net
#1
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone ' Happy Birthday.'

I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember. My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, 'Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday ! ' It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked o n my door and said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.' I said, 'Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go !'

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We ?'

I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind ?'

She said, 'Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner.'

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, ' Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.'

'Ok.' I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake. Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'.

And I just sat there...

On the couch..

Naked.
 
Jun 13, 2002
13,154
525
113
siccness.net
#12
wow! what happwned next? i know everybody was trippin when they came out and u was in ur skin suit! what did wifey say?
She just stood there in a daze. Jaw dropped and eyes as big as the sun. After a few seconds she screamed at the kids to leave the room and made her way towards me in a seductive manner.

She motioned for Jane to come over as well and began taking her clothes off. Jane was hesitant at first, but soon began to embrace it.

Jane then handed my wife a bottle of baby oil and bent over ever so slowly. My wife opened the bottled and poured the oil onto her fingers. She then began making circles with her fingers around Jane's cornhole while it puckered at me.

Next thing I know, I wake up drunk on a ship next to a bunch of chocolate colored starfish. Seeing as there was nothing more to live for, I did my best Pokemon impression and jumped over board, not knowing how to swim.
 
May 20, 2008
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#15
only cuz i bet 95% of all males would have done the same thing...haha afta the part where he said they was drinkin martinis.i automatically thought sum1 was tryin to fuck