It has nothing to do with talent or success. Your "poem" is about some personal event that has little to no relevance to outsiders. A poem is meant to evoke a response in others, it should go beyond the individual and speak to a greater truth or idea. At least the first one you posted has rhyme and meter. And for someone to make a poem "I", then it probably has a deeper meaning than the letter I. Yours rhymes..sort of, has no meter, speaks to nothing more than whatever the fuck you're talking about (with a "clever" reference), and has no lasting value.
Poetry:
The brawling of a sparrow in the eaves,
The brilliant moon and all the milky sky,
And all that famous harmony of leaves,
Had blotted out man's image and his cry.
A girl arose that had red mournful lips
And seemed the greatness of the world in tears,
Doomed like Odysseus and the labouring ships
And proud as Priam murdered with his peers;
Arose, and on the instant clamorous eaves,
A climbing moon upon an empty sky,
And all that lamentation of the leaves,
Could but compose man's image and his cry.