* My mother, she don’t love me. (Stifled chuckle) She said she wish she was raped by somebody else
— Talking to a couple of older southern gents
* Jagshemash! My name a Borat. These are my country of a Kazakhstan. It nice.
— Presenting his new movie
* Last night I...I had a sex.
—Making conversation to an elder woman at a formal lunch
* My wife is dead...She die in a field...It´s not important, I have a new wife. She nice...Ah, I like her...More than the one who gone...Yes.
—Making conversation at a formal lunch
* There is a smell, I as...It smell like a shit.
—Making conversation at a formal lunch
* I like you, do you like me?
— Talking to a man who is demonstrating carpentry techniques from the 19th centuary
* This one I have to pay money for, but she worth it! Waa waa wee waa!
—Introducing one of his many lady friends from the Best of Borat
* My sister...she´s a...prostitute. (Answer: That´s sad, why?). She like to make money, high five!
—Making conversation to an elder woman at a formal lunch
* May I ask you are a man who does with another man?
—A question posed to a man attending the Henley Regatta
* Mow the fucking Bucks!
—Cheering on a team at the Henley Regatta
* Do you like a porno?
—Making conversation at a formal lunch
* Throw the Jew down the well, so my country can be free...You must grab him by his horns, and then we have a big party.
— Singing in a country bar in USA
* They do a bang bang bang in other men anus
—Talking to James Broadwater about the men in Kazakhstan
* You have a big, you have big Hram?
— Talking to a man who looks to be a Vietnam Vet
* Every Englishman must have a hobby. Some like to collect the stamp, some like to make the jam, but the most fun is to a kill a little animal with a shotgun or rip them up with wild dog.
—Commenting on English hunting
* In Kazakhstan we have many hobbies: disco dancing, archery, rape, and table tennis.
—Talking about hobbies
* There are many job opportunities in the US and of A. For men, construction worker, taxi driver or accountant. For woman, prostitute.
* This my friend Mari. I come here for massage and, how you say? Hand relief. Every Thursday, he clean my hole.
—At the Buitcha Water Spa in "Almaty"
* You think maybe Blair is a man who take off his clothes and let his khram go hard and put in a man's bottom?
—Interviewing a protester
* Can you do a dirt in there?
—Pointing to a urinal
* And Gypsies, can they play or is best to keep them away?
—Questioning a bowls club manager.
* She must be tight, like a man's anus.
—Detailing his requirements for his ideal partner.
* But if she cheat on me, I will crush her!
—Speaking with Jenny Noel from Great Expectations Dating Agency
* I had a good shit.
—After relieving himself at the same lunch.
* I love a baseball, do you love a baseballs?
—At a Savannah Sand Gnats baseball game, speaking to the crowd
* Is nice... Is a good, but I have... seen bigger.
—Speaking with a man on the street about his penis, after touching it
* She was voted by Almaty Chamber of Commerce as best sex in mouth. She is number 2, or 3, best prostitute in the country of Kazakhstan.
—Speaking with singer and country musician Porter Wagoner about his sister while asking for song ideas
* My wife, she is scared of men with chocolate face
—Speaking to an estate agent, who promptly informed him that it's possible, although anyone purchasing property in the area would be quite well off.
* My wife, she make very much noise when she do a toilet.
* In my country we say to let a woman drive a car is like to let a monkey fly a plane, very dangerous yes.
* I say this because, I had a very bad Gypsie attack...they stole my wife, plow... and they touch my horse in a very bad way... he got very depressed.
— Speaking to an estate agent about a house with a fence.
* Can I buy you?
— Directed towards an elderly employee at a recreation of a slave plantation.
* If you vote for him he will make sure you and your family have a good years. If you do not... you´ll be sorry.
— Trying to convince an elderly woman to vote for James Broadwater for U.S. Congress.
* You are a fat!
— Talking to a man after the formal lunch has ended
* In Kazakhstan we say man who has never killed a man is like man with no Hram.
— Hram is a slang term for testicles or penis.
* Can I put a camera in the lady toilet?
— Asking questions at a job interview.
* Why Not?
— Repeated many times during interviews.
* We want to speak with someone who can vote.
— Talking to a woman while campaining with James Broadwater.
* Yes, I have been in a movie Dirty Jew. I play the one who eh... the hero, the one who shot him.
— At a television audition.
* Hello, thank you to speak me.
— Starting the conversation with James Broadwater.
* I am big like a can of Pepsi.
— In reference to his penis.
* You remind me my wife... why you laugh? She dead.
— Speaking with a woman at a meet-a-date roundtable.
* Welcome to the 2005 Eurovision Song Contest.
— Introduction to the MTV Europe Music Awards (EMAs).
* That singer before me. Who was it? It was very courageous of MTV to start the show with a genuine transvestite, he was very convincing. It was only his hands and his testi satchels that gave it away.
— Following Madonna at the MTV EMAs.
* Please prepare yourself for masturbation because next are international singing prostitutes, Pussy Cat Dolls.
— Introducing Pussy Cat Dolls at the MTV EMAs.
* There is one singer called Shakira... sorry I laugh because in Kazakhstan this word means vagina. For example, 'Can I touch your shakira?' or 'I have seen your wife's shakira, it hangs like the mouth of a tired dog.
— Introducing Gorillaz at the MTV EMAs.
* My 13-year-old son is travelling here by foot, with his two wives and his three childrens." "If he survives the journey I have promised him that he can make penetration with Colombian prostitute Shakira.
— At the MTV EMA press conference.
* To the world, I love you! Apart from Uzbekistan. Assholes.
— To conclude the MTV EMAs.
* If there is one more item of Uzbek propaganda claiming that we do not drink fermented horse urine, give death penalty for baking bagels, or export over 300 tons of human pubis per year, then we will be left with no alternative but to commence bombardment of their cities with our catapults.
— At a recent press conference in Washington, D.C..
* Democracy is different in America. For example: women CAN vote but horse can not!
— talking about the difference between America and khazakstan.
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