JOKES......Who Has The Siccest Ones?

[SouthernComfort]

There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.

The little girl says, "Mummy, what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies, "Ummm they are making cakes."

The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, "Making cakes."

The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night, eh?" Shocked, the mother asks, "How do you know?"

She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."

 

[niguardian]

Have you ever seen Stevie Wonders Wife?





































Neither has he

hahaaaaaaaaaaa no u didnt bring back that classic

 

[Palmer]

WANT TO HEAR A JOKE?

YES...




WOMEN'S RIGHTS

Ahh yes August 26 1920 the start of the decline of our country. I have a friend that goes on and on about how this country has been going down ever since we let women vote.

 

[I AM]

i'm going to hell for this.....lol

What's funnier than a dead baby?

A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome

How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?

The dog plays with it more.

How do you make a dead baby float?

Take your foot off of it's head.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?

When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

 

[I AM]

silly leprechauns lol

A guy is in a bus station, and goes into the men's room to piss. When he walks in he sees a leprechaun with the most enormous dick he had ever seen. As he pees, he cannot avoid spying on the giant member of the tiny man dressed in green. The leprechaun zips up and the man asks him if he is indeed a real leprechaun.

The little man says, "Aye me boy, I'm a leprechaun, and I can grant you three wishes."

"Oh neat," comes the reply, "What do I need to do?"

"Well, havin' such a large cock makes it a bit awkward with the ladies, the thing not fittin' and all... I'll grant you your three wishes if you wouldn't mind suckin' me dick until I come." The man is a bit taken aback, but agrees, because he knows he can wish for anything he wants later. After the green man has come, he starts to walk away.

The guy says, "Hey, what about my three wishes?" The leprechaun asks, "How old are you me boy?"

"25," he says.

"Aren't you a bit too old to still be believin' in leprechauns?"

 

[pbarb666]

A young man was so deeply in love with his girlfriend that one day he decided to have her name, "WENDY," tattooed on his penis. Most of the time when the man was not aroused, however, only the "WY" visible.

One day the man entered a men's public bathroom and began peeing in the urinal next to a tall Jamaican man. Too his amazement, he notices that this man, too, has the letters "WY" tattooed on his penis.

"Excuse me," he says to the Jamaican, "but I couldn't help noticing your tattoo on your penis. Do you have a girlfriend named Wendy?"

"No way, mon." replies the Jamaican. Mine reads, "Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day.'"

 

[SouthernComfort]

There was a young girl who lived up in the hills of Tennessee. She was about to turn sixteen, and couldn't wait to get her driver's liscense.

She had been subjected to much ribbing from her older brother, telling her that she was too dumb to get her liscense.

When the big day came around, she passed the test with flying colors.

She rushed home and asked her father if she could use the car that night so she and her friend could go in to town where all the cool kids were at.

The father said, "Sure honey, but you'll have to give me a blow-job first."

Wanting to go to town real bad, she agreed.

As she went down on her father, she suddenly jumped up an said "Dad your dick tastes like shit"

Oh yea, her father replied, "I forgot, your brother's got the car tonight."

 

[Chuy Savedra]

WANT TO HEAR A JOKE?

YES...































WOMEN'S RIGHTS

I already siad that cabron!

 

[pbarb666]

My boss just sent me this one...

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question. As he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.

He tried and tried to dig it out but only pushed it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.

As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out..

The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard.

When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing.

Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, 'That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?'

The father replied, 'From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law.'

 

[DukeSkywalker]

a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch. The bar tender asks, "you know you have a steering wheel attached to your crotch?". The pirate replies, "arrrgh! It's drivin' me nuts!"

 

[NorthBay 415]

LMAO SHIY GETS FUNNIER AND FUNNIER

 

[BossRawToon]

How do you entertain 4 blondes?

Flip over a chair

 

[Mike Manson]

lol some jokes are gettin reposted...

A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend.

 

[Mike Manson]

A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?" His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."

 

[Mike Manson]

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' ... and she's always sound asleep."

 

[Mike Manson]

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.

"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

 

[Mike Manson]

What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

 

[Mike Manson]

What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use a lubricant.

 

[Mike Manson]

John took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked the man. "I want to get weighed," said the girl. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize. Next the couple went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over, John again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and John lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, John figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake. Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

 

[5-Dime NwK]

A man walks into a bar on a sunday and says to the bartender, "I've just had the worst week, I just found out my oldest son is gay!"

The Bartender says, "It's not so bad! Y'know what, the first beer is on me." The guy orders a second beer, sobers up, and goes home.

The next week the same guys walks into the bar and says to the bartender, "This week was worst then the last one! I just found out my second son was gay, and was fucking his brother!"

The Bartender says, "Here's a few more beers, don't worry about it."

The guy gets shitfaced, calls a cab, and goes home.

The week after that the guy walks into the bar, slams down a fifty, and says, "I'll need 7 shots!"

The Bartender says, "Jesus Christ! Does anyone in your family like women?!"

The guy says, "Yeah. My Wife."