jokes =D
- Thread starter NorthBay 415
- Start date
A man walks into a bar. On the bar sits a big jar of twenty dollar bills. The man asks the bartender,"What's the deal with the jar of money?"
"Well", the bartender says,"I've got a horse tied up in the stable out back. This horse has never laughed in his life. You put a twenty in the jar, then if you can make my horse laugh, You win all the money!"
The man puts his twenty in the jar, and goes out to the stable. He comes back just a minute later, and you can hear the horse laughing all the way inside. The man takes his money and leaves.
About a year later, he goes back to the bar, and they've got another jar of twenties there.
"What's the deal now?" He asks.
"Well",the bartender says,"That damn horse won't stop laughing! So the first person who can make my horse stop laughing wins the money!"
The man pays his twenty, and goes out to the stable. He returns a few minutes later, and the horse is bawling his eyes out. He picks up his money and is about to leave when the bartender stops him.
"Alright", he says,"You have won an awful lot of money from me and I want to know how you did it!!"
"Easy", he says,"I made him laugh by saying my dick was bigger than his, and I made him cry by proving it!!"
"Well", the bartender says,"I've got a horse tied up in the stable out back. This horse has never laughed in his life. You put a twenty in the jar, then if you can make my horse laugh, You win all the money!"
The man puts his twenty in the jar, and goes out to the stable. He comes back just a minute later, and you can hear the horse laughing all the way inside. The man takes his money and leaves.
About a year later, he goes back to the bar, and they've got another jar of twenties there.
"What's the deal now?" He asks.
"Well",the bartender says,"That damn horse won't stop laughing! So the first person who can make my horse stop laughing wins the money!"
The man pays his twenty, and goes out to the stable. He returns a few minutes later, and the horse is bawling his eyes out. He picks up his money and is about to leave when the bartender stops him.
"Alright", he says,"You have won an awful lot of money from me and I want to know how you did it!!"
"Easy", he says,"I made him laugh by saying my dick was bigger than his, and I made him cry by proving it!!"
Pepito estaba en el colegio y como nadie venía a recogerlo, su profesora le dice: "Si quieres vente para mi casa hasta mañana que vengan por ti", y Pepito dijo que si.
Cuando estaban en la casa y ya se iban a dormir, la profesora notó que Pepito estaba un poco triste y le preguntó que le pasaba, a lo que Pepito respondió:
"Es que siempre antes de irme a acostar yo me acuesto con mi mamá y le meto me dedito en su ombliguito."
Y la profesora no se le pudo resistir a la inocencia de Pepito y accede.
Pasado ya un buen rato, la profesora le dice con ternura: "Pepito, Pepito, ese no es mi ombliguito."
Y Pepito, con una cara de pendejo, responde, "Ya se señorita, y tampoco es mi dedito..."
Cuando estaban en la casa y ya se iban a dormir, la profesora notó que Pepito estaba un poco triste y le preguntó que le pasaba, a lo que Pepito respondió:
"Es que siempre antes de irme a acostar yo me acuesto con mi mamá y le meto me dedito en su ombliguito."
Y la profesora no se le pudo resistir a la inocencia de Pepito y accede.
Pasado ya un buen rato, la profesora le dice con ternura: "Pepito, Pepito, ese no es mi ombliguito."
Y Pepito, con una cara de pendejo, responde, "Ya se señorita, y tampoco es mi dedito..."
A widowed mother is sitting at home, thinking about her son who is serving over in the middle east. Suddenly she gets a phone call "We're sorry mam, but your son was murdered by a terrorist planted road side improvised explosive device that shredded his vehicle like a tin can. He crawled without legs for over three minutes before he died in excruciating pain, alone, terrified, and face down in the sand." She broke down crying and killed herself with her prescription painkillers. The neighbor saw the coroner at her house the next morning and was all liek "lol it was a prank call stupid noob, pwned"
i apologize for the word "nigger" in advance...
One day a mans walking on the beach, when he stumbles upon a lamp. He begins to pick it up when out of nowhere a genie appears. "But I'm no ordinary genie", as he tells the man. "instead of one head i have two, and instead of you telling me your wishes I can read your mind to grant them".
The man still astonished by the incident, closes his eyes and thinks. "pooooooooooffffff" Like that he ends up in a large mansion. Again he does the same and the mansion is filled to the brim with money, from floor to ceiling. one last time he thinks, and the most beautiful woman he could image appears right before his eyes.
The genie still near the man, "what is your last wish". You mean to tell me i still have one wish left says the man. Yes so again the man closes his eyes......................................................
........ A flash of fury comes over the genies eyes as he begins to grab the man and beat him. The genie then grabs a rope and hangs the mans body from a tree.
Perplexed one head turns to the other and ask, "Why would any one want to be hung like a nigger"......
One day a mans walking on the beach, when he stumbles upon a lamp. He begins to pick it up when out of nowhere a genie appears. "But I'm no ordinary genie", as he tells the man. "instead of one head i have two, and instead of you telling me your wishes I can read your mind to grant them".
The man still astonished by the incident, closes his eyes and thinks. "pooooooooooffffff" Like that he ends up in a large mansion. Again he does the same and the mansion is filled to the brim with money, from floor to ceiling. one last time he thinks, and the most beautiful woman he could image appears right before his eyes.
The genie still near the man, "what is your last wish". You mean to tell me i still have one wish left says the man. Yes so again the man closes his eyes......................................................
........ A flash of fury comes over the genies eyes as he begins to grab the man and beat him. The genie then grabs a rope and hangs the mans body from a tree.
Perplexed one head turns to the other and ask, "Why would any one want to be hung like a nigger"......
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
a young man walks into a bar and orders a shot of whiskey, and he tells the bartender, "i'm celebrating, i just got my first blowjob. So the bartender pours the young man another shot, and tells him it's on the house. In the response the young man says,' thanks, if this doesn't get rid of the taste, than nothing will.
There's a little boy and a child molester walking alone in the woods.
as they're walking they both notice it starting to get dark.
the boy turns to the child molester and says "I'm getting scared"
the child molester says "you think you're scared kid i have to walk back alone"
or something like that.
as they're walking they both notice it starting to get dark.
the boy turns to the child molester and says "I'm getting scared"
the child molester says "you think you're scared kid i have to walk back alone"
or something like that.
