Favorite funny quotes from movies / shows?

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smeezy

smeezy

Sicc OG
#1
Nov 16, 2004
849
26
0
#1
I'm surprised this topic hasn't been started. Here's some to get it started.

Good luck chuck:

Stu - "I'd suck the fart out of her ass and hold it like a bong hit."

Stu - "I'll tell you what's not satisfying. Last night I masturbated into a grapefruit. I put it into a microwave and heated it up a little bit, which helped, but... still."

Step Brothers:

Nancy - "Dale, what do you do for a living?"
Dale - "I manage a baseball team."
Nancy - "Little league?"
Dale - "Fantasy league."

Entourage:

Gay Lloyd - "What are you hiding from me Ari?" Ari - "My dick and my ass!"

Eastbound and down:

Kenny Powers - "Now I know you're not a natural beauty, but I think with the right clothes and right look you could be very striking."

Kenny Powers - "Listen here you beautiful bitch, I'm about to hit ya with some truth!"

[Terrence Cutler: There's something you need to know, Kenny. You're not the only athlete here at Jeff Davis. I happen to be training for a Triathlon right now. Doin' a lot of running, and cycling, swimming. Well you know all about that.

Kenny Powers: No actually I don't. I play real SPORTS. Not try to be the best at exercising. ]

[Timid Kid: My dad said you ruined baseball.

Kenny Powers: You know what, I can already tell that I don't like you. And I'm probably not gonna like you no matter how many pull ups or pushups you do.
[to the class]. If anybody wants to pick on anybody in class...Aim for him, because I ain't watchin'. ]

[Girl P.E. Student #1: Is it true you were in jail?

Kenny Powers: No babe, rehab.

Girl P.E. Student #2: Did you hurt yourself?

Kenny Powers: No, I didn't hurt myself.

Girl P.E. Student #2: 'Cause Coach Booth said after his back surgery he has to go to rehab.

Kenny Powers: Oh okay. Yeah I hurt myself, I hurt my nose. ]
 
I. Cold

I. Cold

Sicc OG
#2
May 2, 2002
9,580
17
0
41
#2
since I just watched clerks last night..

Dante Hicks: How many dicks have you sucked?
Veronica Loughran: Let it go!
Dante Hicks: How many?
Veronica Loughran: All right, shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you fucked!
Dante Hicks: This is different, this is important. How many?
[long pause as customer buys something]
Dante Hicks: Well?
Veronica Loughran: Something like... 36.
Dante Hicks: What? Something like 36?
Veronica Loughran: Lower your voice.
Dante Hicks: Wait, what is that anyway, something like 36? Does that INCLUDE me?
Veronica Loughran: Ummm... 37.
Dante Hicks: I'm 37?!!




'Happy-Scrappy' Kid: Happy Scrappy!
'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: She loves it.
Randal Graves: Obviously. Uh, yeah, hi. This is RST Video calling. Customer number 4352, I'd like to place an order. Okay, I need one each of the following tapes: "Whispers in the Wind", "To Each His Own", "Put It Where It Doesn't Belong", "My Pipes Need Cleaning", "All Tit-Fucking Volume 8", "I Need Your Cock", "Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers", "My Cunt and Eight Shafts", "Cum Clean", "Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts", "Cum Buns III", "Cumming in Socks", "Cum On Eileen", "Huge Black Cocks with Pearly White Cum", "Girls Who Crave Cock", "Girls Who Crave Cunt", "Men Alone II: The KY Connection", "Pink Pussy Lips", oh, yeah, and, uh, "All Holes Filled with Hard Cock". Yup. Oh, wait a minute. Uh, what was that called again?
 
Rossibreath

Rossibreath

triple og from the sbp
#3
Sep 1, 2005
12,968
15,464
113
48
Menasha
#3
Indrid Cold said:
since I just watched clerks last night..Dante Hicks: How many dicks have you sucked?Veronica Loughran: Let it go!Dante Hicks: How many?Veronica Loughran: All right, shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you fucked!Dante Hicks: This is different, this is important. How many?[long pause as customer buys something]Dante Hicks: Well?Veronica Loughran: Something like... 36.Dante Hicks: What? Something like 36?Veronica Loughran: Lower your voice.Dante Hicks: Wait, what is that anyway, something like 36? Does that INCLUDE me?Veronica Loughran: Ummm... 37.Dante Hicks: I'm 37?!!'Happy-Scrappy' Kid: Happy Scrappy!'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: She loves it.Randal Graves: Obviously. Uh, yeah, hi. This is RST Video calling. Customer number 4352, I'd like to place an order. Okay, I need one each of the following tapes: "Whispers in the Wind", "To Each His Own", "Put It Where It Doesn't Belong", "My Pipes Need Cleaning", "All Tit-Fucking Volume 8", "I Need Your Cock", "Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers", "My Cunt and Eight Shafts", "Cum Clean", "Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts", "Cum Buns III", "Cumming in Socks", "Cum On Eileen", "Huge Black Cocks with Pearly White Cum", "Girls Who Crave Cock", "Girls Who Crave Cunt", "Men Alone II: The KY Connection", "Pink Pussy Lips", oh, yeah, and, uh, "All Holes Filled with Hard Cock". Yup. Oh, wait a minute. Uh, what was that called again?
Click to expand...
Try not 2 suck any dicks on yer way thru the parking lot!
 
Ethereal

Ethereal

Sicc OG
#4
Mar 18, 2003
5,362
194
0
43
#4
Me, Myself & Irene

One of the funniest scenes in a movie imo... If by some chance you haven't seen it, Charlie's (Jim Carrey) friend, the trooper, is hinting to him while he's barbecuing some big ass sausages, that his kids are black, something Charlie refuses to acknowledge.

Trooper: Charlie, just between you and me, did you ever notice that your kids have sort of a year-round tan?
Charlie: Yeah, well, uh-My great grandmother's half-Italian.
Trooper: Half-Italian?
Trooper: Oh, yeah?
Trooper: Well, that's probably why the water beads off their hair, huh?
Charlie: Yeah, so? I mean, a lot of people have different kind of hair.
Trooper: Oh, yeah.
Charlie: I mean, what are you--what are you--what are you getting at?
Trooper: No, no, I'm just saying is--you know
Trooper: Come on, Charlie, goddamn it! Those kid's dicks are bigger than them sausages!

That shit used to kill me. The entire movie is hilarious. So many quotables.
 
FatBlunts209

FatBlunts209

2 SWISHERS = 1 BLUNT
#5
Feb 21, 2008
7,204
2,840
0
39
STOcKTON
#5
next friday.when pinky kept asking craig wheres dae dae at,he in the "say anotha muthafuckin word and this shit is over nigga" aww man that cracked me up or when the african dude came in set trippin over that bunk cd classic..

friday after next too when the church ladies where singing in front of the store,aww mike epps is afoo for that 1..

i'll check back in later i gotta alot ..
 
prodigy91

prodigy91

@jordvnxsf
#7
Mar 20, 2008
8,955
513
0
32
SF
#7
From dodgeball:

White Goodman: Go ahead, make your jokes, Mr. Jokey... Joke-maker. But let me hit you with some knowledge. Quit now. Save yourself the embarrassment of losing with these losers in Las Vegas, La Fleur.
Peter La Fleur: Alliteration aside, I'll take my chances in the tournament.
White Goodman: Yeah, you will take your chances.
Peter La Fleur: I know. I just said that.
White Goodman: I know you just said that.
Peter La Fleur: Okay, I'm not sure where you're going with this.
White Goodman: Well, I'm not sure where *you're* going with this.
Peter La Fleur: That's what I said.
White Goodman: That's what I'm saying to *you*.
Peter La Fleur: All right.
White Goodman: ...TouchÈ.
 
H

hblock1

Sicc OG
#8
Mar 2, 2006
522
0
0
#8
Ethereal said:
Me, Myself & Irene

One of the funniest scenes in a movie imo... If by some chance you haven't seen it, Charlie's (Jim Carrey) friend, the trooper, is hinting to him while he's barbecuing some big ass sausages, that his kids are black, something Charlie refuses to acknowledge.

Trooper: Charlie, just between you and me, did you ever notice that your kids have sort of a year-round tan?
Charlie: Yeah, well, uh-My great grandmother's half-Italian.
Trooper: Half-Italian?
Trooper: Oh, yeah?
Trooper: Well, that's probably why the water beads off their hair, huh?
Charlie: Yeah, so? I mean, a lot of people have different kind of hair.
Trooper: Oh, yeah.
Charlie: I mean, what are you--what are you--what are you getting at?
Trooper: No, no, I'm just saying is--you know
Trooper: Come on, Charlie, goddamn it! Those kid's dicks are bigger than them sausages!

That shit used to kill me. The entire movie is hilarious. So many quotables.
Click to expand...
yeaaaah.. i got dat movie too.. jus watchd it two days ago!! the other funny one is tha 'Morning After' scene in the motel and he holdin tha dildo and goes..

Charlie: *wiggles dildo in air* looks like someone had some fun last night..
Irene: that wasnt for me..

damn.. dat whole movie was killin it.. especially his step-son`s when they shoved tha chicken up tha troopers ass!!


Also.. damn near everything Red and Meth had to say in How High.. especially when Red was gassin on tha teacher..
 
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