Honestly I would laugh it off, make em both breakfast and tell them have a nice life....
but then
it would be time to buy 4 50lb bags of lime, a good shovel, hefty bags,latex gloves,rope, and start scouting out the area around San Bruno Moutain or Mt Diablo, and then call in that favor a good friend said he owed me.
then i would dig 3 holes.
move to a country with no US extradition policy.
and live happily ever after