Honestly Crazy.. I've heard way worse.. I was kinda impressed dude.
I like the voice and direction you're going with. I'd maybe lose "the voice" for a few words.. ya know? Maybe come in and out of it. Listen to a lot of Mastamind, because that's kinda who you remind me of (when I say listen, study his flow.. take notes, etc etc.).
Also, you stress a few words, but I'd take it even further. Draw some of them out more and put real emotion into them, because it kinda sounds like you're just reading your lyrics off of a paper.