The George W. Bush Resume

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Jun 2, 2002
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Past work experience:

Ran for congress and lost.

Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.

Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas, company went bankrupt shortly after he sold all his stock.

Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using tax-payer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to Chicago.

With fathers help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.
Accomplishments:

Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in America.

Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog-ridden city in the U.S.

Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

Set record for most executions by any Governor in American history.

Accomplishments as president:

First president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.

In his first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job.

Members of Bush cabinet are the richest administration in history. (the 'poorest' multi-millionaire, Condoleeza Rice has a Chevron oil tanker named after her).

Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.

Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.

Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.

Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.

First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history.

After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in US history.

Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in US history.

Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12 month period.

Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history.

Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any president in US history.

Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.

Dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.

Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world.

Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in US history. · Withdrew from the World Court of Law.

Refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.

First president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).

All-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.

First president in US history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community.

First president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)

First US president to establish a secret shadow government.

Took the biggest world sympathy for the US after 911, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).

Fist US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view his presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.

Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.

Failed to fulfill pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'.

Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capitol building. After 18 months there are no leads or suspects.

In the 18 months following the 911 attacks he has successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.

Entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.
Records and References:


At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).

AWOL from National Guard and Deserted the military during a time of war.

Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.

All records of tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to his fathers library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.


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