Cubs go from superstars to Anti-Stars in one year
July 9, 2009
As longtime Padres and Hall of Fame broadcaster Jerry Coleman once said, "Well, it looks like All-Star balloting is about over, especially in the National and American Leagues."
So now it's time to ... huh?
Especially in the ... what?
Now where were we before that distraction arrived?
All-Star dreams have turned upside down for Milton Bradley and the Cubs. (Getty Images)
All-Star dreams have turned upside down for Milton Bradley and the Cubs. (Getty Images)
Oh, yeah. One year ago, eight Chicago Cubs were selected to the National League All-Star team. Seven, at first. And then reliever Carlos Marmol was picked to replace tired-armed Kerry Wood.
A mere one year later, with his players dominating our 10th annual Anti All-Star team, Lou Piniella wears the look of so many of his predecessors who have managed the Cubs.
"There's nothing else to say," the agitated skipper told Chicago reporters this week of an offense that ranks 15th in the NL in runs scored. "There really isn't. ... I get asked the same questions every day. Every day. And I think what you need to do is go ask the players why they're not hitting instead of asking me. Or go talk to the hitting coach."
Yes, All-Star balloting is finished, especially in the AL and NL, which means certain folks really, really need a break. And others really, really need a hug.
We can't help with the former (last we heard, Piniella was planning to go boating in western Michigan during the break, and our advice, the way things are going for his club, is that he'd better triple-knot his lifejacket).
We can, however, help with the latter. Yessir, before the sport packs up and heads to St. Louis for the Midsummer Classic, we present our annual Anti All-Star squad.
Because we sure wouldn't want these poor, scuffling souls to disappear into the break without a public acknowledgement and a tip of the cap for a job not well done. Even these guys need love.
Especially these guys.
The great American author and bard of the Mississippi River, Mark Twain, wrote in Life on the Mississippi, "If you send a damned fool to St. Louis, and you don't tell them he's a damned fool, they'll never find out."
Well, St. Louis, in case any of these uninvited guys find the backdoor into your fair city next week, don't say you weren't warned. ...
Catcher: Geovany Soto, Cubs
Though he started for the NL in the big to-do in Yankee Stadium last summer, Soto this year is more qualified to star in a Cheech and Chong flick than he is to receive a parking pass for next week's game in St. Louis. He showed up overweight this spring, he's hitting just .230 (55 points below last year's average), his power is off (eight homers after swatting 23 last year) and he tested positive for marijuana this spring while playing for Puerto Rico in the World Baseball Classic. And now he's out with a strained oblique muscle.
Dude, where's my car? And is my game in it?
Chris Davis' struggles earn him a trip to Oklahoma City. (US Presswire)
Chris Davis' struggles earn him a trip to Oklahoma City. (US Presswire)
First base: Chris Davis, Texas
Lord knows they can use the breeze in Texas, but Davis was providing gale-force winds with his whiffs. Finally dispatched to Triple-A Oklahoma City this week, the .202-hitting Davis was on pace for a major league-record 231 strikeouts at the time. As it is, he was tied with Arizona's Mark Reynolds at midweek for the major league lead with 114 strikeouts. Difference between Davis and Reynolds? Only nine homers (Reynolds has 24, Davis 15) and 29 RBI (Reynolds has 62, Davis 33).
Second base: Howie Kendrick, Los Angeles Angels
Several Angels players predict Kendrick one day will win a batting title. What nobody realized was that the club's opening day second baseman would have a better chance in '09 of winning the title in the Triple-A Pacific Coast League than in the AL. Kendrick was scuffling so badly, and striking out so alarmingly, that the Angels decided a refresher course at Salt Lake was in order. He's hitting .228 with a .274 on-base percentage. Yikes.
Shortstop: Julio Lugo, Boston
Not only does Lugo hardly play anymore because of Nick Green, but his on-field time is expected to be reduced even further with Jed Lowrie returning from the disabled list. In the third year of a four-year, $36 million deal, Lugo has had only 19 at-bats in the past two weeks and isn't much more valuable to the Red Sox than a bag of balls. Less valuable, come to think of it.
Third base: Garrett Atkins, Colorado
Where's the guy who hit .329 with 29 homers and 120 RBI in 2006? Or the guy who hit .310 with 25 homers and 111 RBI in 2007 while helping lead the Rockies to their only World Series appearance? Heck, where's the guy who hit .286 with 21 homers and 99 RBI last year? Atkins, earning $7 million this season, has earned the dubious distinction of being one of the main reasons why the Rockies underachieved in April and May, leading to the firing of manager Clint Hurdle, while rendering himself virtually untradeable. Boston has inquired recently. If the Rockies can get that done, they should send a platter of Rocky Mountain Oysters the Red Sox's way along with Atkins (.224, six homers, 25 RBI), gratis.
Left field: Alfonso Soriano, Cubs
Soriano has succeeded in pulling off the unexpected. After disappearing in the playoffs against the Dodgers last October, he's become virtually invisible in 2009. Hitting just .182 over his past 40 games, Soriano was benched Wednesday for the third time in the Cubs' past eight games. On Monday, he was moved out of the leadoff slot for the first time since he signed with the Cubs.
Soriano was angered when he arrived at the park Wednesday after collecting a couple of knocks Tuesday, finding himself on the bench with no heads up from Piniella. "That's why I'm mad," he told the Chicago Tribune's Paul Sullivan. "If he had told me yesterday, then I wouldn't come today ready to play."
Sorry, Sori, but you appear to have come not ready to play on many days this season.
Runner-up as the Anti All-Star left fielder, by the way, is Manny Ramirez of the Los Angeles Dodgers. But we're as sick and tired of the performance-enhancing drugs culture as you are and, unlike the soul-less Dodgers fans who welcome Manny back with a standing ovation, we're just not going to give him any more attention than necessary.
Center field: Milton Bradley, Cubs
At three years and $30 million, Bradley (.236, six homers, 19 RBI) hands down has been the biggest free agent bust of all. He's not hitting. He's gotten himself suspended for more altercations with umpires. He's forgotten how many outs there were in a game, tossing a baseball into the Wrigley Field stands after catching the, whoops, second out of the inning. He's getting booed regularly in Chicago. He's one of a long line of Cubs to have attacked the dugout Gatorade cooler. His manager called him a "piece of s---" during an altercation, after which the two hugged and made up.
Yes, it's been an action-packed first half for Bradley. Can't wait to see what July, August and September bring. Hey Chicago, whaddaya say, Mt. Bradley's gonna blow today!
Note to wise-guy readers: Yep, I know Bradley has played right field for all but one of his games this season. But he'll play center on our Anti All-Star team for two reasons: He's capable of playing center, and we've got another guy lined up to play right.
Right field: Elijah Dukes, Washington Nationals
The Nationals demote Elijah Dukes and his .244 batting average. (US Presswire)
The Nationals demote Elijah Dukes and his .244 batting average. (US Presswire)
He batted just .244 with six homers and 30 games before being optioned back to Triple-A Syracuse on July 1. And you know what? That was a major upgrade over how his year started, in a Florida courtroom because he hadn't paid child support and alimony to his ex-wife since October. He owed more than $40,000 and barely escaped jail time then. You know what's worse than being a deadbeat outfielder? Being a deadbeat dad.
Two others made a gallant charge toward our Anti All-Star outfield but fell just short: The Mets' Ryan Church, for completely missing third base in Los Angeles on May 18 while attempting to score what should have been the winning run (instead, the Mets lost 3-2 in 11 innings). And Arizona's Eric Byrnes who, in the second year of a Bradley-esque three-year, $30 million deal, is back on the disabled list. Byrnes is hitting .216 with five homers and 24 RBI in 62 games after hitting .209 with six homers and 23 RBI in 52 games last year. Hey, he's improving.
Designated hitter: Pat (No bat) Burrell, Tampa Bay
Good idea at the time, the Rays signing Burrell to perform as their designated hitter. Problem is, there hasn't been much "hitter." Burrell, no stranger to sloth-like starts, has just four homers and 25 RBI, along with a measly .227 batting average. His slugging percentage is an embarrassing .330, and his OPS (on-base plus slugging percentage) is .668 -- far below his range of .875 and .902 over each of the past four seasons. And the Phillies were getting ripped last winter for letting him go and signing Raul Ibanez?
Starting pitcher: Ryan Dempster, Cubs
So many candidates to choose from, so little space. The Mets' Mike Pelfrey made a dramatic bid when he was charged with three balks in a 2-0 loss in San Francisco back on May 17. The Yankees' Chien-Ming Wang merited strong consideration based on his 9.64 ERA and one win (who is this guy?). Boston's Daisuke Matsuzaka qualifies based on his 8.23 ERA and one win (but hey Red Sox fans, how about his performance for Japan in the all-important World Baseball Classic this spring?). The Mets' Oliver Perez based on his 8.78 ERA and two wins (a Hall of Fame underachiever). Detroit's Dontrelle Willis based on his one win in two years while pulling down $17 million.
Heck, even the Cubs' Carlos Zambrano briefly was considered based on his classic routine in which he "ejected" the umpire after he was kicked out of a game at Wrigley Field. Zambrano finished his ballistic blowup with a flourish that May day, firing the baseball from the home plate area deep into left field. ("I was kind of disappointed," teammate Reed Johnson quipped. "I thought it was going to go into the stands, but the wind was blowing in today.").
But clearly, when a guy breaks his big toe while hopping over a fence in front of the dugout attempting to join the celebration following a walk-off victory ... well, clearly that guy must be a front-line player on any Anti All-Star team. Poor Dempster probably will miss a month, which is exactly what the struggling Cubbies do not need.
"When I did it, I thought I just ripped my nail back on my foot," he said.
If only.
"Unfortunately, the result wasn't very funny," Dempster said. "If you ask Derrek Lee, he thought it was pretty funny because the first person I saw when I looked up was D-Lee, and he was laughing. I'm sure it looked hysterical from his angle."
Closer: B.J. Ryan, free agent
Toronto couldn't take it anymore, releasing Ryan this week and eating the $15 million owed to the left-hander this season and next. If I'm the Blue Jays, I load it up with cheese, ketchup and pickles before dining.
Seriously, how bad do you have to not want a guy around to make a decision like that?
"He wants to pitch more," Blue Jays GM J.P. Ricciardi said during an interview on XM/Sirius satellite radio this week. "We just don't have a role for him. ... And in our evaluation, we really don't think that he's going to come back and be the pitcher that he was for us his first few years here. So this is a chance to just let the player get on with his life and, obviously, we move on."
Yes, do have a nice life, B.J.
Manager: A.J. Hinch, Arizona
Look! Now you beer-guzzling fans watching games on your flat screen from the comfort of your Cheez-Its covered couch have the chance to have more managerial experience than a real, live, big league skipper! Not only did Hinch have no managerial experience before replacing Bob Melvin, but at 34, he's barely even old enough to have managed his kids' Little League teams. You've probably done that already ... right?
General manager: Neal Huntington, Pittsburgh
The Pirates are doing their darndest to stay in contention in an eminently mediocre NL Central. As they do, Huntington determinedly is trading their best players, one by one. First Nate McLouth. Then Nyjer Morgan. Now second baseman Freddy Sanchez is on the block. Clearly, the Pirates are on a single-minded mission to shatter the major league record with their 17th consecutive losing season. Contention or no contention
July 9, 2009
As longtime Padres and Hall of Fame broadcaster Jerry Coleman once said, "Well, it looks like All-Star balloting is about over, especially in the National and American Leagues."
So now it's time to ... huh?
Especially in the ... what?
Now where were we before that distraction arrived?
All-Star dreams have turned upside down for Milton Bradley and the Cubs. (Getty Images)
All-Star dreams have turned upside down for Milton Bradley and the Cubs. (Getty Images)
Oh, yeah. One year ago, eight Chicago Cubs were selected to the National League All-Star team. Seven, at first. And then reliever Carlos Marmol was picked to replace tired-armed Kerry Wood.
A mere one year later, with his players dominating our 10th annual Anti All-Star team, Lou Piniella wears the look of so many of his predecessors who have managed the Cubs.
"There's nothing else to say," the agitated skipper told Chicago reporters this week of an offense that ranks 15th in the NL in runs scored. "There really isn't. ... I get asked the same questions every day. Every day. And I think what you need to do is go ask the players why they're not hitting instead of asking me. Or go talk to the hitting coach."
Yes, All-Star balloting is finished, especially in the AL and NL, which means certain folks really, really need a break. And others really, really need a hug.
We can't help with the former (last we heard, Piniella was planning to go boating in western Michigan during the break, and our advice, the way things are going for his club, is that he'd better triple-knot his lifejacket).
We can, however, help with the latter. Yessir, before the sport packs up and heads to St. Louis for the Midsummer Classic, we present our annual Anti All-Star squad.
Because we sure wouldn't want these poor, scuffling souls to disappear into the break without a public acknowledgement and a tip of the cap for a job not well done. Even these guys need love.
Especially these guys.
The great American author and bard of the Mississippi River, Mark Twain, wrote in Life on the Mississippi, "If you send a damned fool to St. Louis, and you don't tell them he's a damned fool, they'll never find out."
Well, St. Louis, in case any of these uninvited guys find the backdoor into your fair city next week, don't say you weren't warned. ...
Catcher: Geovany Soto, Cubs
Though he started for the NL in the big to-do in Yankee Stadium last summer, Soto this year is more qualified to star in a Cheech and Chong flick than he is to receive a parking pass for next week's game in St. Louis. He showed up overweight this spring, he's hitting just .230 (55 points below last year's average), his power is off (eight homers after swatting 23 last year) and he tested positive for marijuana this spring while playing for Puerto Rico in the World Baseball Classic. And now he's out with a strained oblique muscle.
Dude, where's my car? And is my game in it?
Chris Davis' struggles earn him a trip to Oklahoma City. (US Presswire)
Chris Davis' struggles earn him a trip to Oklahoma City. (US Presswire)
First base: Chris Davis, Texas
Lord knows they can use the breeze in Texas, but Davis was providing gale-force winds with his whiffs. Finally dispatched to Triple-A Oklahoma City this week, the .202-hitting Davis was on pace for a major league-record 231 strikeouts at the time. As it is, he was tied with Arizona's Mark Reynolds at midweek for the major league lead with 114 strikeouts. Difference between Davis and Reynolds? Only nine homers (Reynolds has 24, Davis 15) and 29 RBI (Reynolds has 62, Davis 33).
Second base: Howie Kendrick, Los Angeles Angels
Several Angels players predict Kendrick one day will win a batting title. What nobody realized was that the club's opening day second baseman would have a better chance in '09 of winning the title in the Triple-A Pacific Coast League than in the AL. Kendrick was scuffling so badly, and striking out so alarmingly, that the Angels decided a refresher course at Salt Lake was in order. He's hitting .228 with a .274 on-base percentage. Yikes.
Shortstop: Julio Lugo, Boston
Not only does Lugo hardly play anymore because of Nick Green, but his on-field time is expected to be reduced even further with Jed Lowrie returning from the disabled list. In the third year of a four-year, $36 million deal, Lugo has had only 19 at-bats in the past two weeks and isn't much more valuable to the Red Sox than a bag of balls. Less valuable, come to think of it.
Third base: Garrett Atkins, Colorado
Where's the guy who hit .329 with 29 homers and 120 RBI in 2006? Or the guy who hit .310 with 25 homers and 111 RBI in 2007 while helping lead the Rockies to their only World Series appearance? Heck, where's the guy who hit .286 with 21 homers and 99 RBI last year? Atkins, earning $7 million this season, has earned the dubious distinction of being one of the main reasons why the Rockies underachieved in April and May, leading to the firing of manager Clint Hurdle, while rendering himself virtually untradeable. Boston has inquired recently. If the Rockies can get that done, they should send a platter of Rocky Mountain Oysters the Red Sox's way along with Atkins (.224, six homers, 25 RBI), gratis.
Left field: Alfonso Soriano, Cubs
Soriano has succeeded in pulling off the unexpected. After disappearing in the playoffs against the Dodgers last October, he's become virtually invisible in 2009. Hitting just .182 over his past 40 games, Soriano was benched Wednesday for the third time in the Cubs' past eight games. On Monday, he was moved out of the leadoff slot for the first time since he signed with the Cubs.
Soriano was angered when he arrived at the park Wednesday after collecting a couple of knocks Tuesday, finding himself on the bench with no heads up from Piniella. "That's why I'm mad," he told the Chicago Tribune's Paul Sullivan. "If he had told me yesterday, then I wouldn't come today ready to play."
Sorry, Sori, but you appear to have come not ready to play on many days this season.
Runner-up as the Anti All-Star left fielder, by the way, is Manny Ramirez of the Los Angeles Dodgers. But we're as sick and tired of the performance-enhancing drugs culture as you are and, unlike the soul-less Dodgers fans who welcome Manny back with a standing ovation, we're just not going to give him any more attention than necessary.
Center field: Milton Bradley, Cubs
At three years and $30 million, Bradley (.236, six homers, 19 RBI) hands down has been the biggest free agent bust of all. He's not hitting. He's gotten himself suspended for more altercations with umpires. He's forgotten how many outs there were in a game, tossing a baseball into the Wrigley Field stands after catching the, whoops, second out of the inning. He's getting booed regularly in Chicago. He's one of a long line of Cubs to have attacked the dugout Gatorade cooler. His manager called him a "piece of s---" during an altercation, after which the two hugged and made up.
Yes, it's been an action-packed first half for Bradley. Can't wait to see what July, August and September bring. Hey Chicago, whaddaya say, Mt. Bradley's gonna blow today!
Note to wise-guy readers: Yep, I know Bradley has played right field for all but one of his games this season. But he'll play center on our Anti All-Star team for two reasons: He's capable of playing center, and we've got another guy lined up to play right.
Right field: Elijah Dukes, Washington Nationals
The Nationals demote Elijah Dukes and his .244 batting average. (US Presswire)
The Nationals demote Elijah Dukes and his .244 batting average. (US Presswire)
He batted just .244 with six homers and 30 games before being optioned back to Triple-A Syracuse on July 1. And you know what? That was a major upgrade over how his year started, in a Florida courtroom because he hadn't paid child support and alimony to his ex-wife since October. He owed more than $40,000 and barely escaped jail time then. You know what's worse than being a deadbeat outfielder? Being a deadbeat dad.
Two others made a gallant charge toward our Anti All-Star outfield but fell just short: The Mets' Ryan Church, for completely missing third base in Los Angeles on May 18 while attempting to score what should have been the winning run (instead, the Mets lost 3-2 in 11 innings). And Arizona's Eric Byrnes who, in the second year of a Bradley-esque three-year, $30 million deal, is back on the disabled list. Byrnes is hitting .216 with five homers and 24 RBI in 62 games after hitting .209 with six homers and 23 RBI in 52 games last year. Hey, he's improving.
Designated hitter: Pat (No bat) Burrell, Tampa Bay
Good idea at the time, the Rays signing Burrell to perform as their designated hitter. Problem is, there hasn't been much "hitter." Burrell, no stranger to sloth-like starts, has just four homers and 25 RBI, along with a measly .227 batting average. His slugging percentage is an embarrassing .330, and his OPS (on-base plus slugging percentage) is .668 -- far below his range of .875 and .902 over each of the past four seasons. And the Phillies were getting ripped last winter for letting him go and signing Raul Ibanez?
Starting pitcher: Ryan Dempster, Cubs
So many candidates to choose from, so little space. The Mets' Mike Pelfrey made a dramatic bid when he was charged with three balks in a 2-0 loss in San Francisco back on May 17. The Yankees' Chien-Ming Wang merited strong consideration based on his 9.64 ERA and one win (who is this guy?). Boston's Daisuke Matsuzaka qualifies based on his 8.23 ERA and one win (but hey Red Sox fans, how about his performance for Japan in the all-important World Baseball Classic this spring?). The Mets' Oliver Perez based on his 8.78 ERA and two wins (a Hall of Fame underachiever). Detroit's Dontrelle Willis based on his one win in two years while pulling down $17 million.
Heck, even the Cubs' Carlos Zambrano briefly was considered based on his classic routine in which he "ejected" the umpire after he was kicked out of a game at Wrigley Field. Zambrano finished his ballistic blowup with a flourish that May day, firing the baseball from the home plate area deep into left field. ("I was kind of disappointed," teammate Reed Johnson quipped. "I thought it was going to go into the stands, but the wind was blowing in today.").
But clearly, when a guy breaks his big toe while hopping over a fence in front of the dugout attempting to join the celebration following a walk-off victory ... well, clearly that guy must be a front-line player on any Anti All-Star team. Poor Dempster probably will miss a month, which is exactly what the struggling Cubbies do not need.
"When I did it, I thought I just ripped my nail back on my foot," he said.
If only.
"Unfortunately, the result wasn't very funny," Dempster said. "If you ask Derrek Lee, he thought it was pretty funny because the first person I saw when I looked up was D-Lee, and he was laughing. I'm sure it looked hysterical from his angle."
Closer: B.J. Ryan, free agent
Toronto couldn't take it anymore, releasing Ryan this week and eating the $15 million owed to the left-hander this season and next. If I'm the Blue Jays, I load it up with cheese, ketchup and pickles before dining.
Seriously, how bad do you have to not want a guy around to make a decision like that?
"He wants to pitch more," Blue Jays GM J.P. Ricciardi said during an interview on XM/Sirius satellite radio this week. "We just don't have a role for him. ... And in our evaluation, we really don't think that he's going to come back and be the pitcher that he was for us his first few years here. So this is a chance to just let the player get on with his life and, obviously, we move on."
Yes, do have a nice life, B.J.
Manager: A.J. Hinch, Arizona
Look! Now you beer-guzzling fans watching games on your flat screen from the comfort of your Cheez-Its covered couch have the chance to have more managerial experience than a real, live, big league skipper! Not only did Hinch have no managerial experience before replacing Bob Melvin, but at 34, he's barely even old enough to have managed his kids' Little League teams. You've probably done that already ... right?
General manager: Neal Huntington, Pittsburgh
The Pirates are doing their darndest to stay in contention in an eminently mediocre NL Central. As they do, Huntington determinedly is trading their best players, one by one. First Nate McLouth. Then Nyjer Morgan. Now second baseman Freddy Sanchez is on the block. Clearly, the Pirates are on a single-minded mission to shatter the major league record with their 17th consecutive losing season. Contention or no contention
