Suicide is the best way out of your shitty fucked up ass life. Your bitch don't want you anymore? You get fired from Taco Bell? Fuck it, there's too much pain inside of you, so kill yourself. Don't wait it out because life is just going to get worse. Your life sucks and no one gives a shit. Nobody cares about you. I don’t give a fuck about you. Your mom doesn’t give a fuck about you. End your fucking life. Do yourself and everyone you know a favor. I'll show you the perfect ways to do this shit. Don’t do this shit half-assed either bitch. If you try suicide once and then you don’t die, then everyone will think your just crying out for help and all your friends will call you a bitch. Never tell anyone that you’re going to kill yourself! Make it a surprise! Don't make threats or no one will take you seriously. If you tell someone you want to kill yourself and they call the cops, the cops will come over put you in a ambulance and take you to some fucked up ass hospital for a seventy two hour watch which is makes your life worse. By the time you get out of that bitch someone took your shoelaces, belt and anything else that you can hang yourself with and it just fucking suck shit. If this does happen somehow, deny everything. Blame it on the person who called the cops and say their just making trouble for you. Change it all around and make it look like you were just joking around. Never admit to being depressed, suicidal, or anything that they can use to keep you in the hospital. When you arrive there, smile and be polite and the faster you can get out of the hospital and back where you can hurt yourself. Me, I'm just an asshole so when I was there I was just running around fucking with everyone. Don't do that! They keep you in there longer! If you talk to a psychiatrist, they might prescribe you some pills that might come in handy later. Ask them for Valium and say your mom has given you one before and it helps calm your nerves. They will definitely give you some then.
Remember these things first. When you do this, make sure you leave a note. It’s got to be some crazy shit though. There are many different kinds of notes you can write. You can blame it on someone who you think fucked you over and that guilt will be in their mind until they die. Another note you can leave will blame it on everyone. Especially if they didn’t do anything wrong. My personal favorite and perhaps the funniest is to write a note that makes absolutely no sense. Tell everyone that you killed yourself because you thought Gerri from survivor shouldn’t have been kicked off. Blame it on the food your mom cooked last night. Make up something that will make everyone think you’re a fucking idiot and they will think you’re an idiot as long as you’re 6 feet in the ground.
1. Slitting your wrist. Take a razorblade if you have one handy. If not get a shaving razor and break that shit open and get the blade. These actually work better because they leave a much thinner slice and that shit bleeds forever. Slice into the biggest visible vein close to your wrist. Don't do that shit side to side because that shit never works and I'll tell you why. When you cut your wrist horizontally the wound can easily be closed from the creases in your wrist. This makes it easy for the flow to stop and your blood to start clotting. Fuck that. The best and easiest way to do it is to drink alcohol. Drink a lot of beer. Then slit your wrist from the bottom of your hand all the way down the vein towards your elbow. The deeper the better. The alcohol helps thin your blood and it will flow much quickly and the wound cant be closed because of the way you cut it. When you get tattoos done they say not to drink or do anything that will make your blood thin out and your tattoo will look like shit bec ause you were bleeding all over the fucking place. Well this applies here too. The faster your bleed the faster you die. I've tried this same shit and fucked up. First off I cut it from side to side and as I was cutting cops came to my fucking door as I was bleeding and put me in handcuffs and called an ambulance. Before you cut your wrist, make sure there are no towels or anything around in case you bitch out and try to stop the bleeding. Lock yourself in the bathroom or some shit so no one can get to you. While you’re bleeding, and locked in the bathroom, it’s always a good idea to write something across the walls with your blood. Like "Phuk Lyfe" or any satanic symbol so they think you’re a fucking weirdo when you’re dead. If you have time, draw a madman face. That would be sick!
2. Take some fuckin pills! Don’t take just any pills. Some will just make you throw up. For the best shit, get Valium, or Vicodin or Norcos. Not only do they relax the fuck out of you and make you feel all warm inside, but they are the quickest way to get the job done. If you can get your hands on percacets then you can bet your going to look death in the face! First let me explain how to get your hands on these pills. First start with your parents medicine cabinet. Look for any pain pills. You’re really looking for Vicodin because that’s more common. Sometimes, people who write these prescriptions try to be sneaky and call it scientific names. If that's the case, look for anything that says Hydrocoridone. If you can't find them at your own house, try and friends house. Anything oval that says "watson" or has a big ass "v" on the back should be vicodine. If your over 18 they your practically set! Go to the nearest hospital strait for their emergency room. Say you have a pain in the middle of your back because you were helping a friend lift a sofa. They will usually just say it’s a strain and won’t take any x-rays. Some doctors are just dickheads and will take x-rays anyway. If they don't find anything in the x-rays they will tell you it’s a strain and give you some somas and something else. Say you’re allergic to somas or they make you feel like shit. Ask if they can prescribe any vicodin. You can say the same thing about norco. See the difference between Norco and Vicodin is that Vicodin is cut with more Tylenol and Norco is barley cut with any Tylenol. Norco is the best out of the two because you’re getting more hydrocoridone. That’s the shit that makes you feel good. Don’t let them give you anything else. If you do happen to get nothing but Soma, and then that will work too, you just have to take more. On the way to pick up your prescription try to score some alcohol. Get something hard, or if your a little bitch get some beer or something that you like. But vodka would probably be the best. Drink as m uch as you can handle so that your drunk but the room isn't spinning. After that, wash down as many pills as you can with what ever you’re drinking. Don't stop taking them!!! When you mix alcohol with Vicodin it’s fucking deadly! It works! After you have taken as many as you can again, lock your self in your room and lay in your bed. Try to lay face up so if you puke you'll choke on your own vomit. What ever you do, don’t tell anyone your doing this because if they call the cops and you get rushed to the hospital to get your stomach pumped your gonna wish that you died even more. They make you swallow this black tar stuff that stains your lips and mouth and makes you shit black and purple. It helps detox what ever pills you took. It's some whack shit so don't get caught. One more thing, do not try taking a whole bunch of Tylenol PM's. I've took a whole shit load once and they just made my stomach hurt and I was acting like a dickhead to everyone.
3. Hang yourself! This is not as easy as it sounds. The hardest part of it is basically making the knot for it. Get a strong thick rope. If you’re in jail, or somewhere where a rope wont work shoe laces or a sheet might work but might not give you the length or sturdiness that you'll need. The longer the better, because you'll need as much as you can to work with. A noose is the best knot because it forces its self around your neck. It actually strangles with your own body weight and it is believed to break the neck more easily. The tighter the knot the better because if you have second thoughts There’s no fucking way to get out of it. Below is a guide to show you how to tie the knot. Once you've practiced getting the knot down, and you know for sure its going to work, find a tree, a beam or something sturdy that will hold your body weight without breaking. If you can do this out of sight of any one, most likely at night would be the best if its going to be done out doors. Make sure you have a chair or a bucket or a milk crate you can stand on and easily knock over with your feet. First tie the rope to what ever you’re hanging yourself from and make sure its tight enough that it cant come undone. Make sure when the rope is tied that the noose is going to be around your neck with room for your body to fall without touching the ground. So try to stand on the chair while measuring it to make sure when you fall your feet wont touch. Put it around your neck and grab the top of the knot and adjust it so it fits tightly on the back of your neck and the bottom of the knot is just below your Adams apple. While standing on the chair or what ever you’re standing on, rock back and forth until it tips over. If you can kick it out from under yourself that would be good too. Make sure you kick it as far as you can so you can reach with your feet to get it back under you. The weight of your body and the knot forcing its way around your neck will most likely snap your fucking neck and you'll probably gag hold the rope scream shake and what ever. But you’re going to die and you pretty much know it at that point. If you did this right you can almost die in an instant.
4. Jump Off a Building or Bridge! If done from a great height, this is the sure-fire way to end your life and have fun doing so. It’s almost like bungie jumping or sky diving. When jumping off a building, don't be a fucking pussy. After I slit my wrist and was released from the mental ward, I was ordered to start going to these group counciling sessions where people who have attempted suicide all meet up and cry like little bitches. I met this guy there who was in a wheel chair. I asked him what happened and he told me he had jumped from a 2-story balcony and broke both of his ankles and he might not be able to walk again. I told him he should have aimed for his head and he wouldn’t have been in this little mess. After word spread of me telling him this, the councilors asked me not to attend these meetings anymore. Here’s my point. If you’re going to jump, go take a drive to a hotel with a lot of floors. Rent yourself a room, get shit-faced drunk and then take a dive out your fucking window. The higher the floor you’re on he better. When you jump there’s no way to survive so you might as well make it easy on your self and aim for your fucking head! If you see a group of people standing around or a large crowd before you jump. Aim for the middle of them and take a few mothafuckas out at the same time. Killing two birds with one stone is always fun. Jumping is the shit because your life can be ended just as easy as taking one step. If you’re in a metro area, try to make your way to the very top of the building without security seeing you. Then don't waist your time. Jump as soon as you see the edge of the building. If you wait too long someone might notice you and then you'll get cops trying to fuck with your head and telling you that you have something to live for. Don't kid yourself dawg, they would just be lying to you. Make sure you jump before someone gets a chance to see you. If you’re jumping off a bridge first check and see if it’s high enough for the fall to kill you. If there’s water running under neath the bridge you can still jump and the impact would kill you. If not, you might drown regardless.
5. Inject an Air bubble into your bloodstream. If you know anyone who is a heroin junkie or diabetic, then you can probably get a hold of a syringe. If you have to steal one from them, while you're at it replace the diabetic's insulin with sugar water. When you inject air into your bloodstream, it’s almost instant and there’s no turning back once you do it. It makes it very fast. When you get a shot at the doctors you might notice the nurse flick the bottom of the needle before she gives you the shot. This is to make sure no air gets in. Look for the biggest and most visible vein in your arm. If you keep slapping your forearm near the crease where it meats by your elbow, a welt will form and the vein will be a whole lot more visible. Take the needle and guide it into the vein and at the same time press the end off the syringe and inject as much air as it ill let you. Drop the needle and die. The whole thing about this is when an air bubble is in your blood stream it will kill you as soon as it reaches your heart. Something fucks up in there and makes you die instantly. I suggest this one if you have access to a syringe.
6. Electrocute yourself bitch! Everyone has a bathtub in their house and this can be done with style. First check out your outlets in the bathroom. Some new houses have safety outlets that will short circuit before you electrocute yourself. You can usually identify safety outlets by a red and yellow button in-between the two outlets. If they have those, then find your self a long extension cord and plug in a stereo, toaster, curling iron, blow dryer or what ever the fuck into it. Fill your bathtub up enough so when you sit in it you can drop the object between your legs in the bathtub with you and the object can be completely emerged. If you’re doing the stereo, make sure your bumpin your Mad Insanity tape. When it gets to your favorite part throw it in with you. The lights will flicker and you might even blow a fuse in your house, but you'll be flopping around like a fish when your nerves contract and make your body shake. The only thing about killing yourself this way, is that who ever finds your bo dy will see you naked and that might fucking suck. Your mom might be the one who finds you. If your little sister has a friend spending the night she might walk in, find you and start rumors at school about you having a small dick. If I were you, I would try this wearing clothes. Because you'll never know what might happen. If you want to be funny about it, wear goggles and a snorkel mask and some flippers on your feet with a children’s floatation device around your waist. This might give the coroner something to laugh about for years to come.
7. Exhaust poising. Park your car in the garage and close the garage door shut. If you have other doors make sure you get a wet towel and stuff them under the doors so no air can get out. If you have a CD or cassette player bring some of your favorite albums and turn your car on and bump that shit. Make sure this is a car that runs good and wont die on you. Have your windows rolled down and listen to the music. The music will keep you occupied while you're waiting for death to creep up on you. Hit the gas while in park every once in a while so the garage fills up with more carbon monoxide. If you don’t have a CD player just take a whole bunch of sleeping pills and lay down in the backseat. The carbon monoxide will smother the oxygen in the air and while you breathe it in it will slowly kill you. Unfortunately, it’s easy for mothafuckas to bitch out and run inside the house before its too late. Make sure no body is home at the time. It will take anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour for it to take its deadly toll. The music will make it easy for you to loose track of time.
8. Jump in front of a train! Anywhere you are in the United States, there is a subway or a set of train tracks. If you stand or lay on the tracks, the train conductor, if he notices wont be able to stop because the train's speed and weight will make it impossible for him to stop in time. If lying on the tracks lay with your neck and legs over the two beams. If you lay in between the tracks the train might just roll right over you and you might end up with a few bruises and scratches. You want to be decapitated and without legs when this whole thing is over. If you’re jumping in front of a subway train, jump as its arriving to the station because that’s when it’s going the fastest. You don’t want to lay on these tracks because the security at most subway stations would see you on camera and warn the trains ahead of time. If your going to attempt this, you might as well go touch the electric third rail that makes it possible for the train to run. This will shock the shit out of you and make your eyeball s pop out of your face. Certain death.
9. Set yourself on fire. I have the full set of "Faces of Death" and in one of the videos, a Buddhist protester set himself on fire while a crowd of people watched. That mothafucka had some nuts. Put some sweats on and Douse yourself in Gasoline and make sure you have a lot of hairspray in your hair. The more clothes you have on, the more that will add to the fire. Light both sleeves and pantlegs and they will burn at each end of your body. Lay down or get on your knees and wait for it to burn your flesh right off your fuckin bones. If you want the fire to spread quickly run around in circles. If you do this inside of your house, pour gas everywhere and you will go up in flames. Make sure you do this late at night so you neighbors will be sleeping and they will have less time to try and save you. The bigger the fire the more certain of your death. This is going to hurt really fucking bad and watching your flesh drip off of your own body will probably scare you and you will want to put it out. But let it burn. If you think about it, would you want to live disfigured and burnt? Keep the fire going and end your life or everyone will make fun of your burnt ugly face.
10. Death by self inflicted gunshot! This is probably the most famous and probably the best way. If you have access to a gun, lock yourself in your room and look yourself in the mirror. Think about how much pain your going through, how much your life sucks and how everyone doesn’t give a shit about you. Think about how much you’re going to show everyone that they shouldn't have fucked with you. You’re going to make everyone sad that you’re gone. Ok, now that you’re at you most suicidal state take the gun and stock it in your mouth with a 45 degree angle aiming towards the top of your head. By doing this you will have taken your brain and there’s no way to survive the blast. Make sure the gun is of a large caliber. The bigger the hole the better when you pull the trigger. Some people stick the barrel of a gun underneath their chin and pull the trigger, but sometimes that can’t be all that effective. I was watching this emergency room show on TV on the discovery channel and there was this old drunk moth afucka who shot himself in the head with a twenty-two and then drove himself the hospital to get the bullet removed. What the fuck is that shit? It could be that a twenty-two don’t have really strong power or it could be that the bullet didn’t do as much damage with the angle he shot himself. Now if this was done with a shot gun Curt Cobain style then that would get the job done but sometimes the barrel and the trigger are too far away for you to pull yourself. If your going to shoot yourself you might as well go out like a G and go to school with a gun a and large supply of bullets. Don't be a reckless idiot like them killas at Columbine and do it outside of a classroom or at lunch because your aim would be all fucked up. If you have a gun with a large clip walk into a classroom where the teacher thinks you have just came late. Now stand by the door so the exit is covered and aim strictly for heads if you have enough bullets do as many body shots as you can and then when your victims are on the ground finis h them off with bullets to the head. See the kids at columbine were sloppy and only killed thirteen kids. Most classrooms hold about thirty-seven kids per room. If you do it right, you can beat their record, make the news and kill yourself at the end by emptying your clip by putting the gun in your mouth and pulling the trigger. Your going to kill your self you might as well go out a legend.
Enjoy.
Remember these things first. When you do this, make sure you leave a note. It’s got to be some crazy shit though. There are many different kinds of notes you can write. You can blame it on someone who you think fucked you over and that guilt will be in their mind until they die. Another note you can leave will blame it on everyone. Especially if they didn’t do anything wrong. My personal favorite and perhaps the funniest is to write a note that makes absolutely no sense. Tell everyone that you killed yourself because you thought Gerri from survivor shouldn’t have been kicked off. Blame it on the food your mom cooked last night. Make up something that will make everyone think you’re a fucking idiot and they will think you’re an idiot as long as you’re 6 feet in the ground.
1. Slitting your wrist. Take a razorblade if you have one handy. If not get a shaving razor and break that shit open and get the blade. These actually work better because they leave a much thinner slice and that shit bleeds forever. Slice into the biggest visible vein close to your wrist. Don't do that shit side to side because that shit never works and I'll tell you why. When you cut your wrist horizontally the wound can easily be closed from the creases in your wrist. This makes it easy for the flow to stop and your blood to start clotting. Fuck that. The best and easiest way to do it is to drink alcohol. Drink a lot of beer. Then slit your wrist from the bottom of your hand all the way down the vein towards your elbow. The deeper the better. The alcohol helps thin your blood and it will flow much quickly and the wound cant be closed because of the way you cut it. When you get tattoos done they say not to drink or do anything that will make your blood thin out and your tattoo will look like shit bec ause you were bleeding all over the fucking place. Well this applies here too. The faster your bleed the faster you die. I've tried this same shit and fucked up. First off I cut it from side to side and as I was cutting cops came to my fucking door as I was bleeding and put me in handcuffs and called an ambulance. Before you cut your wrist, make sure there are no towels or anything around in case you bitch out and try to stop the bleeding. Lock yourself in the bathroom or some shit so no one can get to you. While you’re bleeding, and locked in the bathroom, it’s always a good idea to write something across the walls with your blood. Like "Phuk Lyfe" or any satanic symbol so they think you’re a fucking weirdo when you’re dead. If you have time, draw a madman face. That would be sick!
2. Take some fuckin pills! Don’t take just any pills. Some will just make you throw up. For the best shit, get Valium, or Vicodin or Norcos. Not only do they relax the fuck out of you and make you feel all warm inside, but they are the quickest way to get the job done. If you can get your hands on percacets then you can bet your going to look death in the face! First let me explain how to get your hands on these pills. First start with your parents medicine cabinet. Look for any pain pills. You’re really looking for Vicodin because that’s more common. Sometimes, people who write these prescriptions try to be sneaky and call it scientific names. If that's the case, look for anything that says Hydrocoridone. If you can't find them at your own house, try and friends house. Anything oval that says "watson" or has a big ass "v" on the back should be vicodine. If your over 18 they your practically set! Go to the nearest hospital strait for their emergency room. Say you have a pain in the middle of your back because you were helping a friend lift a sofa. They will usually just say it’s a strain and won’t take any x-rays. Some doctors are just dickheads and will take x-rays anyway. If they don't find anything in the x-rays they will tell you it’s a strain and give you some somas and something else. Say you’re allergic to somas or they make you feel like shit. Ask if they can prescribe any vicodin. You can say the same thing about norco. See the difference between Norco and Vicodin is that Vicodin is cut with more Tylenol and Norco is barley cut with any Tylenol. Norco is the best out of the two because you’re getting more hydrocoridone. That’s the shit that makes you feel good. Don’t let them give you anything else. If you do happen to get nothing but Soma, and then that will work too, you just have to take more. On the way to pick up your prescription try to score some alcohol. Get something hard, or if your a little bitch get some beer or something that you like. But vodka would probably be the best. Drink as m uch as you can handle so that your drunk but the room isn't spinning. After that, wash down as many pills as you can with what ever you’re drinking. Don't stop taking them!!! When you mix alcohol with Vicodin it’s fucking deadly! It works! After you have taken as many as you can again, lock your self in your room and lay in your bed. Try to lay face up so if you puke you'll choke on your own vomit. What ever you do, don’t tell anyone your doing this because if they call the cops and you get rushed to the hospital to get your stomach pumped your gonna wish that you died even more. They make you swallow this black tar stuff that stains your lips and mouth and makes you shit black and purple. It helps detox what ever pills you took. It's some whack shit so don't get caught. One more thing, do not try taking a whole bunch of Tylenol PM's. I've took a whole shit load once and they just made my stomach hurt and I was acting like a dickhead to everyone.
3. Hang yourself! This is not as easy as it sounds. The hardest part of it is basically making the knot for it. Get a strong thick rope. If you’re in jail, or somewhere where a rope wont work shoe laces or a sheet might work but might not give you the length or sturdiness that you'll need. The longer the better, because you'll need as much as you can to work with. A noose is the best knot because it forces its self around your neck. It actually strangles with your own body weight and it is believed to break the neck more easily. The tighter the knot the better because if you have second thoughts There’s no fucking way to get out of it. Below is a guide to show you how to tie the knot. Once you've practiced getting the knot down, and you know for sure its going to work, find a tree, a beam or something sturdy that will hold your body weight without breaking. If you can do this out of sight of any one, most likely at night would be the best if its going to be done out doors. Make sure you have a chair or a bucket or a milk crate you can stand on and easily knock over with your feet. First tie the rope to what ever you’re hanging yourself from and make sure its tight enough that it cant come undone. Make sure when the rope is tied that the noose is going to be around your neck with room for your body to fall without touching the ground. So try to stand on the chair while measuring it to make sure when you fall your feet wont touch. Put it around your neck and grab the top of the knot and adjust it so it fits tightly on the back of your neck and the bottom of the knot is just below your Adams apple. While standing on the chair or what ever you’re standing on, rock back and forth until it tips over. If you can kick it out from under yourself that would be good too. Make sure you kick it as far as you can so you can reach with your feet to get it back under you. The weight of your body and the knot forcing its way around your neck will most likely snap your fucking neck and you'll probably gag hold the rope scream shake and what ever. But you’re going to die and you pretty much know it at that point. If you did this right you can almost die in an instant.
4. Jump Off a Building or Bridge! If done from a great height, this is the sure-fire way to end your life and have fun doing so. It’s almost like bungie jumping or sky diving. When jumping off a building, don't be a fucking pussy. After I slit my wrist and was released from the mental ward, I was ordered to start going to these group counciling sessions where people who have attempted suicide all meet up and cry like little bitches. I met this guy there who was in a wheel chair. I asked him what happened and he told me he had jumped from a 2-story balcony and broke both of his ankles and he might not be able to walk again. I told him he should have aimed for his head and he wouldn’t have been in this little mess. After word spread of me telling him this, the councilors asked me not to attend these meetings anymore. Here’s my point. If you’re going to jump, go take a drive to a hotel with a lot of floors. Rent yourself a room, get shit-faced drunk and then take a dive out your fucking window. The higher the floor you’re on he better. When you jump there’s no way to survive so you might as well make it easy on your self and aim for your fucking head! If you see a group of people standing around or a large crowd before you jump. Aim for the middle of them and take a few mothafuckas out at the same time. Killing two birds with one stone is always fun. Jumping is the shit because your life can be ended just as easy as taking one step. If you’re in a metro area, try to make your way to the very top of the building without security seeing you. Then don't waist your time. Jump as soon as you see the edge of the building. If you wait too long someone might notice you and then you'll get cops trying to fuck with your head and telling you that you have something to live for. Don't kid yourself dawg, they would just be lying to you. Make sure you jump before someone gets a chance to see you. If you’re jumping off a bridge first check and see if it’s high enough for the fall to kill you. If there’s water running under neath the bridge you can still jump and the impact would kill you. If not, you might drown regardless.
5. Inject an Air bubble into your bloodstream. If you know anyone who is a heroin junkie or diabetic, then you can probably get a hold of a syringe. If you have to steal one from them, while you're at it replace the diabetic's insulin with sugar water. When you inject air into your bloodstream, it’s almost instant and there’s no turning back once you do it. It makes it very fast. When you get a shot at the doctors you might notice the nurse flick the bottom of the needle before she gives you the shot. This is to make sure no air gets in. Look for the biggest and most visible vein in your arm. If you keep slapping your forearm near the crease where it meats by your elbow, a welt will form and the vein will be a whole lot more visible. Take the needle and guide it into the vein and at the same time press the end off the syringe and inject as much air as it ill let you. Drop the needle and die. The whole thing about this is when an air bubble is in your blood stream it will kill you as soon as it reaches your heart. Something fucks up in there and makes you die instantly. I suggest this one if you have access to a syringe.
6. Electrocute yourself bitch! Everyone has a bathtub in their house and this can be done with style. First check out your outlets in the bathroom. Some new houses have safety outlets that will short circuit before you electrocute yourself. You can usually identify safety outlets by a red and yellow button in-between the two outlets. If they have those, then find your self a long extension cord and plug in a stereo, toaster, curling iron, blow dryer or what ever the fuck into it. Fill your bathtub up enough so when you sit in it you can drop the object between your legs in the bathtub with you and the object can be completely emerged. If you’re doing the stereo, make sure your bumpin your Mad Insanity tape. When it gets to your favorite part throw it in with you. The lights will flicker and you might even blow a fuse in your house, but you'll be flopping around like a fish when your nerves contract and make your body shake. The only thing about killing yourself this way, is that who ever finds your bo dy will see you naked and that might fucking suck. Your mom might be the one who finds you. If your little sister has a friend spending the night she might walk in, find you and start rumors at school about you having a small dick. If I were you, I would try this wearing clothes. Because you'll never know what might happen. If you want to be funny about it, wear goggles and a snorkel mask and some flippers on your feet with a children’s floatation device around your waist. This might give the coroner something to laugh about for years to come.
7. Exhaust poising. Park your car in the garage and close the garage door shut. If you have other doors make sure you get a wet towel and stuff them under the doors so no air can get out. If you have a CD or cassette player bring some of your favorite albums and turn your car on and bump that shit. Make sure this is a car that runs good and wont die on you. Have your windows rolled down and listen to the music. The music will keep you occupied while you're waiting for death to creep up on you. Hit the gas while in park every once in a while so the garage fills up with more carbon monoxide. If you don’t have a CD player just take a whole bunch of sleeping pills and lay down in the backseat. The carbon monoxide will smother the oxygen in the air and while you breathe it in it will slowly kill you. Unfortunately, it’s easy for mothafuckas to bitch out and run inside the house before its too late. Make sure no body is home at the time. It will take anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour for it to take its deadly toll. The music will make it easy for you to loose track of time.
8. Jump in front of a train! Anywhere you are in the United States, there is a subway or a set of train tracks. If you stand or lay on the tracks, the train conductor, if he notices wont be able to stop because the train's speed and weight will make it impossible for him to stop in time. If lying on the tracks lay with your neck and legs over the two beams. If you lay in between the tracks the train might just roll right over you and you might end up with a few bruises and scratches. You want to be decapitated and without legs when this whole thing is over. If you’re jumping in front of a subway train, jump as its arriving to the station because that’s when it’s going the fastest. You don’t want to lay on these tracks because the security at most subway stations would see you on camera and warn the trains ahead of time. If your going to attempt this, you might as well go touch the electric third rail that makes it possible for the train to run. This will shock the shit out of you and make your eyeball s pop out of your face. Certain death.
9. Set yourself on fire. I have the full set of "Faces of Death" and in one of the videos, a Buddhist protester set himself on fire while a crowd of people watched. That mothafucka had some nuts. Put some sweats on and Douse yourself in Gasoline and make sure you have a lot of hairspray in your hair. The more clothes you have on, the more that will add to the fire. Light both sleeves and pantlegs and they will burn at each end of your body. Lay down or get on your knees and wait for it to burn your flesh right off your fuckin bones. If you want the fire to spread quickly run around in circles. If you do this inside of your house, pour gas everywhere and you will go up in flames. Make sure you do this late at night so you neighbors will be sleeping and they will have less time to try and save you. The bigger the fire the more certain of your death. This is going to hurt really fucking bad and watching your flesh drip off of your own body will probably scare you and you will want to put it out. But let it burn. If you think about it, would you want to live disfigured and burnt? Keep the fire going and end your life or everyone will make fun of your burnt ugly face.
10. Death by self inflicted gunshot! This is probably the most famous and probably the best way. If you have access to a gun, lock yourself in your room and look yourself in the mirror. Think about how much pain your going through, how much your life sucks and how everyone doesn’t give a shit about you. Think about how much you’re going to show everyone that they shouldn't have fucked with you. You’re going to make everyone sad that you’re gone. Ok, now that you’re at you most suicidal state take the gun and stock it in your mouth with a 45 degree angle aiming towards the top of your head. By doing this you will have taken your brain and there’s no way to survive the blast. Make sure the gun is of a large caliber. The bigger the hole the better when you pull the trigger. Some people stick the barrel of a gun underneath their chin and pull the trigger, but sometimes that can’t be all that effective. I was watching this emergency room show on TV on the discovery channel and there was this old drunk moth afucka who shot himself in the head with a twenty-two and then drove himself the hospital to get the bullet removed. What the fuck is that shit? It could be that a twenty-two don’t have really strong power or it could be that the bullet didn’t do as much damage with the angle he shot himself. Now if this was done with a shot gun Curt Cobain style then that would get the job done but sometimes the barrel and the trigger are too far away for you to pull yourself. If your going to shoot yourself you might as well go out like a G and go to school with a gun a and large supply of bullets. Don't be a reckless idiot like them killas at Columbine and do it outside of a classroom or at lunch because your aim would be all fucked up. If you have a gun with a large clip walk into a classroom where the teacher thinks you have just came late. Now stand by the door so the exit is covered and aim strictly for heads if you have enough bullets do as many body shots as you can and then when your victims are on the ground finis h them off with bullets to the head. See the kids at columbine were sloppy and only killed thirteen kids. Most classrooms hold about thirty-seven kids per room. If you do it right, you can beat their record, make the news and kill yourself at the end by emptying your clip by putting the gun in your mouth and pulling the trigger. Your going to kill your self you might as well go out a legend.
Enjoy.
