Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately
take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole ?
Here are the testimonials of a few people who did...
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked
loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned
around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a
word. He knew better.
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several
minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at
the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him
and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that
sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display
case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I
replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to
laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and
walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was
on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in
between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying
my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had
not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he
said, "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I
don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Dan! my, are you SURE you
didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have
had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one
more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked
down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S
JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos
laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me
feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely
think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get
any? A true story. We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was
supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So
Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have
to leave the set, but half the crew did too!
While on a flight from New York, the Stewardess was busy
passing out peanuts and cokes to everyone. There were about sixteen
flights lined up waiting to get clearance to take off. Then the other
Stewardess got a message from the Pilot that the tower said the wind had
changed 180 degrees and they were first in line to take off, and to have
everyone buckle up. Without thinking she just announced "Please buckle up,
grab your drinks and hold your nuts, we're taking off", No one saw her for
the rest of the flight to Houston, and all the other Stewardesses were
laughing all the way and half of the passengers.
take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole ?
Here are the testimonials of a few people who did...
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked
loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned
around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a
word. He knew better.
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several
minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at
the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him
and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that
sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display
case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I
replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to
laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and
walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was
on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in
between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying
my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had
not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he
said, "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I
don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Dan! my, are you SURE you
didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have
had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one
more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked
down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S
JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos
laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me
feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely
think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get
any? A true story. We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was
supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So
Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have
to leave the set, but half the crew did too!
While on a flight from New York, the Stewardess was busy
passing out peanuts and cokes to everyone. There were about sixteen
flights lined up waiting to get clearance to take off. Then the other
Stewardess got a message from the Pilot that the tower said the wind had
changed 180 degrees and they were first in line to take off, and to have
everyone buckle up. Without thinking she just announced "Please buckle up,
grab your drinks and hold your nuts, we're taking off", No one saw her for
the rest of the flight to Houston, and all the other Stewardesses were
laughing all the way and half of the passengers.
