This was printed in East Bay Express. Do y'all think it's for real or just an april fools joke? It's this saturday...
Da Mayor Gets Hyphy
Eric Arnold
Jerry Brown
We never thought it would happen, either. After earning a reputation as a player hater, Oakland Mayor Jerry Brown has apparently bowed to street pressure and decided he’s down with the hyphy movement. California’s onetime Governor Moonbeam and current wannabe Attorney General has officially declared today, April 1, Oakland Sideshow Day. Starting at 1 p.m. at City Hall Plaza, Brown will pay his respects to the scraper constituency in an all-day celebration of hyphy culture.
Oakland old-schoolers 415’s 1990 rap anthem “Sideshow” has been designated the event’s Official Song, and will be played from special police vans equipped with massive quad subwoofers every hour on the hour. Certificates of merit will be given out to Oakland rappers Keak Da Sneak, Richie Rich, Yukmouth, and Casual; Too $hort will receive the “Couldn’t Be a Better Player” award from developer Phil Tagami; Dru Down will honored with a “Pimp of the Year” plaque from Ignacio De La Fuente; and UC Berkeley Linguistics Professor John McWhorter is slated to recognize the vernacular contributions of Mistah F.A.B., having finally been convinced of the academic validity of Ebonics by the word “shaboobalaboopy.” A muscle car showcase on the lawn of Frank Ogawa Plaza will answer the question, “What it do?” as candy-painted scrapers demonstrate turning tight ones and ghost-riding their whips, in addition to a Krispy Kreme-sponsored donut contest. The United Farmworkers of America host a “Got Grapes?” competition, and cases of Clyde Carson’s Hyphy drink will be awarded as prizes in a thizz-face contest for kids ages 8-14. The Turf Cat Wearhouse will showcase a fashion show consisting of white T-shirts, jeans, and Nikes, and special yellow buses equipped with couches, waterbeds, and bottled water will be available for those who may be thizzin’ too hard.
Brown, who’s already been fitted for a 14K grill by jeweler Gold Teeth Master, announced in a press statement, “I don’t have dreads — but I plan on growing some.” He also claimed credit for originating the phrase “fa sheezy” during a safari excursion to Linda Ronstadt’s bedroom during the ’70s, adding, “I don’t think they know, but that’s my word.” OaklandSideshowDay.org Sat., April 1, 1 p.m.
Da Mayor Gets Hyphy
Eric Arnold
Jerry Brown
We never thought it would happen, either. After earning a reputation as a player hater, Oakland Mayor Jerry Brown has apparently bowed to street pressure and decided he’s down with the hyphy movement. California’s onetime Governor Moonbeam and current wannabe Attorney General has officially declared today, April 1, Oakland Sideshow Day. Starting at 1 p.m. at City Hall Plaza, Brown will pay his respects to the scraper constituency in an all-day celebration of hyphy culture.
Oakland old-schoolers 415’s 1990 rap anthem “Sideshow” has been designated the event’s Official Song, and will be played from special police vans equipped with massive quad subwoofers every hour on the hour. Certificates of merit will be given out to Oakland rappers Keak Da Sneak, Richie Rich, Yukmouth, and Casual; Too $hort will receive the “Couldn’t Be a Better Player” award from developer Phil Tagami; Dru Down will honored with a “Pimp of the Year” plaque from Ignacio De La Fuente; and UC Berkeley Linguistics Professor John McWhorter is slated to recognize the vernacular contributions of Mistah F.A.B., having finally been convinced of the academic validity of Ebonics by the word “shaboobalaboopy.” A muscle car showcase on the lawn of Frank Ogawa Plaza will answer the question, “What it do?” as candy-painted scrapers demonstrate turning tight ones and ghost-riding their whips, in addition to a Krispy Kreme-sponsored donut contest. The United Farmworkers of America host a “Got Grapes?” competition, and cases of Clyde Carson’s Hyphy drink will be awarded as prizes in a thizz-face contest for kids ages 8-14. The Turf Cat Wearhouse will showcase a fashion show consisting of white T-shirts, jeans, and Nikes, and special yellow buses equipped with couches, waterbeds, and bottled water will be available for those who may be thizzin’ too hard.
Brown, who’s already been fitted for a 14K grill by jeweler Gold Teeth Master, announced in a press statement, “I don’t have dreads — but I plan on growing some.” He also claimed credit for originating the phrase “fa sheezy” during a safari excursion to Linda Ronstadt’s bedroom during the ’70s, adding, “I don’t think they know, but that’s my word.” OaklandSideshowDay.org Sat., April 1, 1 p.m.
