jury duty
- Thread starter Dana Dane
- Start date
seriously?....is getting out of jury duty really THAT hard?
Unless your jury duty slip was delivered by UPS or you signed for it, there is no way in hell they can prove you received the notice...unless you respond to it.
Now the government might just be building up a HUGE case on me, waiting to indict me for hundred of counts of "failure to appear"
but I have never received a single notice for jury duty, nor have i had to attend...and if i did...
well. im sure the fact that I have this anxiety about court rooms, im racist against anyone not from the northern half of the southern hemisphere or the western half or eastern south america,im agoraphobic and cant leave the house, i dont trust any forms of governments and I support my local underground militia, i have this abnormal twitch and when nervous i show symptoms of my Taurettes syndrome, not to mention the fact that I talk to myself, have multiple personalities, and have contracted the West Nile Virus should keep me out of jury duty
Unless your jury duty slip was delivered by UPS or you signed for it, there is no way in hell they can prove you received the notice...unless you respond to it.
Now the government might just be building up a HUGE case on me, waiting to indict me for hundred of counts of "failure to appear"
but I have never received a single notice for jury duty, nor have i had to attend...and if i did...
well. im sure the fact that I have this anxiety about court rooms, im racist against anyone not from the northern half of the southern hemisphere or the western half or eastern south america,im agoraphobic and cant leave the house, i dont trust any forms of governments and I support my local underground militia, i have this abnormal twitch and when nervous i show symptoms of my Taurettes syndrome, not to mention the fact that I talk to myself, have multiple personalities, and have contracted the West Nile Virus should keep me out of jury duty
its now what you say...its how you say it
the key is in your tone and demeanor
You gotta sit there and twitch uncontrollably while yelling random things like "ZEBRA FIST DONKEY PORN" and " YELLOW MONKEY FARTS"..when they interview you, take off one sock and only reply to their questions in Sock puppet form...(put a sock on each hand and speak with one, and use the other hand to attack the first like a wild animal)....or just sit there an "meow" over and over again while eating sesame sticks out of a cat food bag...
or...its a little messy but it will work...tape a sandwich bag with peanut butter to the back of your ass....during the interview take one hand and stick it in your pants and dig out a clob of peanut butter, and slowly eat it in front of your interview while talking about world domination, sniffin it at random times while thizz facing.... it help if you mix in just a dab of chocolate sauce for color.
$20 says you wont get any more calls or letters.
or try this approach to speaking to the attorneys...its what we call the "Maggot Muthafucka..you shoulda died when you was a baby..." approach
[video=youtube;5v9Jxz-9vU8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5v9Jxz-9vU8[/video]
the key is in your tone and demeanor
You gotta sit there and twitch uncontrollably while yelling random things like "ZEBRA FIST DONKEY PORN" and " YELLOW MONKEY FARTS"..when they interview you, take off one sock and only reply to their questions in Sock puppet form...(put a sock on each hand and speak with one, and use the other hand to attack the first like a wild animal)....or just sit there an "meow" over and over again while eating sesame sticks out of a cat food bag...
or...its a little messy but it will work...tape a sandwich bag with peanut butter to the back of your ass....during the interview take one hand and stick it in your pants and dig out a clob of peanut butter, and slowly eat it in front of your interview while talking about world domination, sniffin it at random times while thizz facing.... it help if you mix in just a dab of chocolate sauce for color.
$20 says you wont get any more calls or letters.
or try this approach to speaking to the attorneys...its what we call the "Maggot Muthafucka..you shoulda died when you was a baby..." approach
[video=youtube;5v9Jxz-9vU8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5v9Jxz-9vU8[/video]
Woman Charged With Lying To Avoid Jury Duty
Affidavit: Susan Cole Bragged About Acting Crazy On Radio Show
Alan Gathright, 7NEWS Content Producer
POSTED: 1:36 pm MDT March 21, 2012
UPDATED: 11:05 pm MDT March 21, 2012
DENVER -- A Denver woman has been charged with lying to duck jury duty after a judge recognized a radio-show caller bragging about how she acted crazy to get off a jury.
Susan A. Cole, 57, was formally charged with felony perjury and attempting to influence a public servant, Denver district attorney spokeswoman Lynn Kimbrough said Wednesday. An arrest warrant has been issued and Cole is expected to surrender later this week.
According to an arrest affidavit, Cole concocted an elaborate plan to appear "mentally unbalanced" when she showed up for jury duty in Denver District Court on June 28.
She left her hair rolled in curlers of different colors, shapes and sizes, slathered on "excessive" makeup and dressed in mismatched shoes with holiday reindeer socks and a T-shirt emblazoned with, "Ask Me About My Best Seller," the affidavit said.
Cole initially was selected for a jury, which was sworn in by Judge Anne Mansfield.
But Cole raised her hand when Mansfield asked if anyone on the panel was unable to serve because of a physical or mental disability, the affidavit said.
"I'm juror 4361 and I broke out of domestic violence in the military," Cole said, according to a court transcript. "And I have a lot of repercussions. One is post-traumatic stress disorder. Another thing is I get very confused in the morning when I try to get ready."
"And I'll tell you what, I just get too emotional," Cole told the judge. "And breaking out of domestic violence with a suitcase on my back from Germany and my military records are now missing. I have lived on the street, and I have worked myself up to living with my cousin and stuff. And I don't want to emotionally go through this."
Mansfield confirmed Cole's name and excused her from jury service.
But on the evening of Oct. 11, Mansfield remembered the troubled juror when she heard a caller identified as "Char from Denver" on KOA radio's Dave Logan Show.
The caller said she wanted to avoid jury duty on June 28, because the day before she mistakenly thought her roommate had been killed in a motorcycle accident.
It turned out the roommate was OK, but Char said the next morning "she was still so emotionally overcome and had too many other activities coming up (so) she did not want to be involved in jury service," the affidavit said.
The caller then told an "elaborate story of how she deliberately dressed in a disheveled and uncoordinated fashion with the intent of appearing mentally unstable," the affidavit said.
The woman said her ruse worked so well that she was drawing stares from fellow jurors, and the judge ultimately excused her, the affidavit said.
Char said her crazy getup was "out of character for her as she was a beautician by profession and sold Mary Kay products," the affidavit said.
Char described cracking up clients at her hair-styling salon with how she fooled the judge. "They all found the story amusing," according to the affidavit.
The judge listening to the radio show wasn't laughing.
"I am not an educated woman. I broke a law. I don't know what I did," said Cole in an interview with 7NEWS.
When asked to elaborate, Cole said, "I don't want to speak no more. You guys are interrogating me."
Mansfield reported Cole to the Denver District Attorney's Office. Cole now faces two felony charges.
Denver District Attorney spokeswoman Lynn Kimbrough told 7NEWS, this may be the first case of its kind in Denver.
http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/30732249/detail.html
Affidavit: Susan Cole Bragged About Acting Crazy On Radio Show
Alan Gathright, 7NEWS Content Producer
POSTED: 1:36 pm MDT March 21, 2012
UPDATED: 11:05 pm MDT March 21, 2012
DENVER -- A Denver woman has been charged with lying to duck jury duty after a judge recognized a radio-show caller bragging about how she acted crazy to get off a jury.
Susan A. Cole, 57, was formally charged with felony perjury and attempting to influence a public servant, Denver district attorney spokeswoman Lynn Kimbrough said Wednesday. An arrest warrant has been issued and Cole is expected to surrender later this week.
According to an arrest affidavit, Cole concocted an elaborate plan to appear "mentally unbalanced" when she showed up for jury duty in Denver District Court on June 28.
She left her hair rolled in curlers of different colors, shapes and sizes, slathered on "excessive" makeup and dressed in mismatched shoes with holiday reindeer socks and a T-shirt emblazoned with, "Ask Me About My Best Seller," the affidavit said.
Cole initially was selected for a jury, which was sworn in by Judge Anne Mansfield.
But Cole raised her hand when Mansfield asked if anyone on the panel was unable to serve because of a physical or mental disability, the affidavit said.
"I'm juror 4361 and I broke out of domestic violence in the military," Cole said, according to a court transcript. "And I have a lot of repercussions. One is post-traumatic stress disorder. Another thing is I get very confused in the morning when I try to get ready."
"And I'll tell you what, I just get too emotional," Cole told the judge. "And breaking out of domestic violence with a suitcase on my back from Germany and my military records are now missing. I have lived on the street, and I have worked myself up to living with my cousin and stuff. And I don't want to emotionally go through this."
Mansfield confirmed Cole's name and excused her from jury service.
But on the evening of Oct. 11, Mansfield remembered the troubled juror when she heard a caller identified as "Char from Denver" on KOA radio's Dave Logan Show.
The caller said she wanted to avoid jury duty on June 28, because the day before she mistakenly thought her roommate had been killed in a motorcycle accident.
It turned out the roommate was OK, but Char said the next morning "she was still so emotionally overcome and had too many other activities coming up (so) she did not want to be involved in jury service," the affidavit said.
The caller then told an "elaborate story of how she deliberately dressed in a disheveled and uncoordinated fashion with the intent of appearing mentally unstable," the affidavit said.
The woman said her ruse worked so well that she was drawing stares from fellow jurors, and the judge ultimately excused her, the affidavit said.
Char said her crazy getup was "out of character for her as she was a beautician by profession and sold Mary Kay products," the affidavit said.
Char described cracking up clients at her hair-styling salon with how she fooled the judge. "They all found the story amusing," according to the affidavit.
The judge listening to the radio show wasn't laughing.
"I am not an educated woman. I broke a law. I don't know what I did," said Cole in an interview with 7NEWS.
When asked to elaborate, Cole said, "I don't want to speak no more. You guys are interrogating me."
Mansfield reported Cole to the Denver District Attorney's Office. Cole now faces two felony charges.
Denver District Attorney spokeswoman Lynn Kimbrough told 7NEWS, this may be the first case of its kind in Denver.
http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/30732249/detail.html
