jokes
- Thread starter Daveyboy
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There is an Irish man sitting in a bar having a drink. Another man sits down next to him. The Irish man says, "Let me buy you a drink." The Irish man says, "So where are you from?" The other man says, "I'm from Ireland." The Irish man says, "I'm from Ireland, too! Let's drink to Ireland." Then the Irish man asks, "What part of Ireland are you from?" The other man says, "I'm from Dublin." The Irish man says, "I'm from Dublin, too! Let's drink to Dublin!" Then the Irish man asks, "So where did you go to school?" The other man says, "I graduated from St. Catherine's in 1965." The Irish man says, "I graduated from St. Catherine's in 1965, too! Let's drink to St. Catherine's!" Another man at the other end of the bar is watching all of this go on and asks the bartender, "What's going on down there?" The bartender replies, "Oh, that's just the O' Malley twins. They're drunk again."
Fifty priests died in a bus accident. Saint Peter met them at the pearly gates and said, "To save time, I'm going to ask only one question. Which of you has even been involved in a homosexual relationship?"
The priests kicked the dirt and mumbled. Eventually, 49 of them raised their hand.
"Okay," Saint Peter said, "off to hell with you then.
And take that deaf bastard with you."
The priests kicked the dirt and mumbled. Eventually, 49 of them raised their hand.
"Okay," Saint Peter said, "off to hell with you then.
And take that deaf bastard with you."
Don't look at the picture until you read the message ...
So yesterday I was having some work done at the Ford dealer. A woman, blonde no less, came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other, and the mechanic asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?" She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there." The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked,"Is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there."
Now open the photo to learn what a 710 is.
So yesterday I was having some work done at the Ford dealer. A woman, blonde no less, came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other, and the mechanic asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?" She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there." The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked,"Is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there."
Now open the photo to learn what a 710 is.
ok ok i got one....four nuns die and go to heaven...as they stand in front of saint peter...he asks if they have ever sinned....the first nun steps forward and says i have...peter asks what is it dear...ive seen a mans penis, she replies...saint peter says ok thats fine just splash holy water into your eyes and you may inter...and the next nun steps foward and tells saint peter that she has touched a mans penis...and saint peter tells her to wash her and in the holy water and enter...as the 3rd nun begins to step foward the 4th nun pushes her out of the way and rushes towards the water...saint peter asks,"what in gods name are you doing". she replies"im washing my mouth out before this nasty bitch sticks her ass in the water.....
aight i got sum jokes por los mexicanoz:
aight wutz tha differnce between a mexican n a chicano?
mexicans get chased by tha border patrol n chicanoz get chased by tha police.........haha...lol
(aight i kno mexicanz r in tha olympics but jus go wit it)
why arnt mexicanz in tha olympics?
becuz every mexican tha can run , jump, n swim iz over here.......lol.......i kno thas fuked up but itz still funny.....
aight wutz tha differnce between a mexican n a chicano?
mexicans get chased by tha border patrol n chicanoz get chased by tha police.........haha...lol
(aight i kno mexicanz r in tha olympics but jus go wit it)
why arnt mexicanz in tha olympics?
becuz every mexican tha can run , jump, n swim iz over here.......lol.......i kno thas fuked up but itz still funny.....
aight i got a blond joke 4 yall:
aight 2 blondz r walkin down tha street n 1 lookz n sees a compact on tha ground n pickz it up n openz it, tha ohter blond askz wut iz it n she replies itz a pictuer of sum 1 but i cant figure out who it iz, then tha other blond grabz it tha compact out of her hnads n looks into it n sayz itz.... itz me dumbazz....lol
aight 2 blondz r walkin down tha street n 1 lookz n sees a compact on tha ground n pickz it up n openz it, tha ohter blond askz wut iz it n she replies itz a pictuer of sum 1 but i cant figure out who it iz, then tha other blond grabz it tha compact out of her hnads n looks into it n sayz itz.... itz me dumbazz....lol
aight a vetanarian is doing and experment on dogs and and how theyre behaviar is by the person that owns them...he has a doctors dog, a bankers dog, and a marines dog...first he test the doctors dog by giving him 3 bones, the dog takes the them and gives the other dogs one the bones, he studies and moves on to the bankers dog, he gives the bones to the dog, the dog then buries them and lays on top of them. the vet studies then moves to the marines dog...he give the dog the bones and watches...the marines dog takes the bones grinds them up,snorts them fucks the other 2 dogs then passes out in his own vomit....
im not sure if you get it..its kind of a moto marine corps joke....
im not sure if you get it..its kind of a moto marine corps joke....
a man walking through a small town in the desert stops to ask someone what time it is...he comes up to a man sitting down with a monkey on shoulder and asks if he has the time...the man looks and him turns and wispers something into the monkeys ear...the monkey gets up walks over to a camel and grabs the camels balls and throws them onto his shoulder...the man then turns to the other and says 4 o'clock...amazed the man asks"how did you know what time it was by puting the camels balls on that monkeys shoulders...the man looks strangely at the guy and says"well theres a clock on the other side of the camel...
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at
work. Her 9 year old son is already home, he sees them and hides in the
bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband comes home. She puts her
lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again and the boy and the lover
are in the closet together again.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Sold."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove,
let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"$1,000"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like
that....that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to
take you to church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again, you're in my closet
now.
work. Her 9 year old son is already home, he sees them and hides in the
bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband comes home. She puts her
lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again and the boy and the lover
are in the closet together again.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Sold."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove,
let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"$1,000"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like
that....that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to
take you to church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again, you're in my closet
now.