JOKES......Who Has The Siccest Ones?

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I AM

I AM

Some Random Asshole
#21
Apr 25, 2002
21,001
86
48
#21
Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...

The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS."

"What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"

"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."

---------------------------------

What did Helen Kellers parents do to punish her?


Put doorknobs on the walls.
----------

Why did Helen Keller suck at driving?


Cause she's a woman.

:)
 
pbarb666

pbarb666

Sicc OG
#22
Jun 11, 2004
2,296
1,405
0
#22
An international flight is crossing the Atlantic when it enters a vicious storm, causing the plane to rock violently up and down. All of the sudden, lighting strikes an engine and it appears the plane may have to crash land in the ocean. One young woman in particular looses it.

"If I'm goin to die, then I want go out in extacy!" she yells at the passengers from the front of the plane. "Who among you has what it takes to MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A WOMAN!?!"

For awhile, nobody responds. Then a tall, dark, handsome man from the back of the plane steps forward from the crowd and slowly approaches the desperate woman.

Slowly, he unbuttons his shit...


Slowly, he takes it off revealing his strong muscular build underneath...


Slowly, the tall strong man approaches the woman with shirt in hand. The passengars watch in anitcipation...






"Here," he says to the woman. "Iron this and get me a beer."
 
1

1NorCalSinner4

Sicc OG
#26
Mar 23, 2003
654
1
0
39
#26
Two prostitutes are walking down the street. One of the prostitutes says "Girl, i smell dick in the air. Time to go make that money." The other prostitute stops looks at her and says " Bitch relax! I just burped."
 
1

1NorCalSinner4

Sicc OG
#27
Mar 23, 2003
654
1
0
39
#27
Two prostitutes are walking down the street. One of the prostitutes says "Girl, i smell dick in the air. Time to go make that money." The other prostitute stops looks at her and says " Bitch relax! I just burped."
 
H

hblock1

Sicc OG
#30
Mar 2, 2006
522
0
0
#30
Its tha last day of school and Lil Johnny is sitting in his Social Studies class with nothing to do. Everybody waits anxiously and stare at tha clock as tha last 30 minutes SLOWLY wind down. Finally, the teacher says, 'Im going to repeat a quote stated by a famous person in American History. Whoever gives me tha correct answer may leave early.' At that moment, everybody jumps for joy in excitement awaiting for the first quote.
The teacher says, 'Who said, "I have a dream"?'
Just as Lil Johnny was raising his hand to answer, a girl named Christina yells, 'MARTIN LUTHER KING!' The teacher says, 'Good job Christina, you may leave.'
Lil Johnny gets angry but decides to wait for the next question.
The teacher says, 'Who said, "To the people, for the people, by the people"?'
Just as Lil Johnny was raising his hand again, another girl named Sarah yells, 'ABRAHAM LINCOLN!' The teachers says, Good job Sarah, you may leave.'
At this point, Lil Johnny is livid and yells, 'WHY CANT THESE BITCHES KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT?'
The teacher, shocked, says, 'WHO SAID THAT?!'
Lil Johnny says, 'BILL CLINTON! CAN I GO NOW?!'
-------------------------
LOL!
 
A

AdolfOliverBush

Sicc OG
#32
Apr 25, 2002
4,688
2,578
113
45
Houston
#32
This one goes along the lines of hblock1's joke:

It was the first day of a school in U.S.A. and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said,
"Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.

'Very good!'
Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.'

She heard a loud whisper: 'Fuck the Indians,'

'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up.
'General Custer, 1862.'

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'

The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?'

Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'

Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher , 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!'

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'

Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004.'

The teacher fainted.

And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!'

And Chandrasekhar said quietlly, "I think it was the American people, November 4, 2008."
 
Mike Manson

Mike Manson

Still Livin'
#35
Apr 16, 2005
9,033
19,464
113
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#35
A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection of soiled clothes: 'USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!'

She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so the following week she enclosed another note: 'USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!'

The Chinese laundryman became very annoyed, and when her clean laundry was delivered, it contained a note from him: 'I USE PLENTY SOAP ON PANTIES!!! USE MORE PAPER ON ASS!!'
 
Mike Manson

Mike Manson

Still Livin'
#36
Apr 16, 2005
9,033
19,464
113
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#36
A pirate walks in a bar wearing a steering wheel on his cock.

The bartender asks him, "do you know you have a steering wheel on your cock."

To which the pirate exclaims, "aargh... its driving me nuts."
 
Mike Manson

Mike Manson

Still Livin'
#37
Apr 16, 2005
9,033
19,464
113
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#37
Two pregnant woman are sitting together knitting baby clothes. The first woman says, "I hope mine is a boy because ive only got blue wool." The second woman says, "I hope mine is a spastic because ive fucked the arms up."
 
Mike Manson

Mike Manson

Still Livin'
#38
Apr 16, 2005
9,033
19,464
113
45
#38
A guy comes home from work and finds his girlfriend on their bed, crying.

He asks his girlfriend "what's wrong?"

She looks at him and says in disgust, "I know the truth about you..." she sobs and continues, "I know
you're a PEDOPHILE!"

The man walks up to her and hugs her, then he says "Honey, I'm so proud of you 'pedophile' is such a big word for a 10 year old."
 
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