'in the year 5697 [2137 A.D] ... storyline type shit... peep an crit~!

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Oct 4, 2002
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#1
Dé-Lüsîønal's linguistics, intense Rhetoric, intrinsic Metaphors, Hebraisms, Greek eferences, Biblical-Connotated Terminology, an Originality May Cause Mind-StopZ...

WARNING: Be advised Before entering...



in The Year 5697(2137 A.D.)

It's easy for me to be greedy when your flesh is bleedin,
But what about when your soul is needy.. an on the grounds of hell, kneelin askin for a healin?,
Nah, your more like some Pyro-Tenant pleadin for the touch of a Cryogenic-Jesus,
You chose to live by the immoral quote 'The rush of a Chi-Rho's minutes beneath us',
Should Mz. Dé-Lüsîønal just pop out the sentence that'll mend us with benignance?,
'You aint Christian, but just the myth of a misfit, don't let it be a surprise that your benevolence graduated to the top of my shit-list!',
Compared to me, you're composed of all element giftless...... Dé-Lüsîønal,

Narrator: 'I don't think the board is ready for this post!?'

***immediately, Wisdom Kicks in***

How many EmCee's wanna speak on Mz. Dé-Lüsîønal?... that's many lives that will end tragic,
I'm takin it back to the early day's of Christianity, where the torche's were lit an martyr's barked profanity,
...Insanity, like the great antagonist speakin word's of vanity,
'Your infantine-mind's have already missed the ism an switched the prism's of wisdom',
Now your stance became a standstill, like your feet are cemented firmly in the devils advanced-will,
...In the form of Yehovah's chosen one,
i'll switch from the warmth of the holy Ruräk to leave you as a frozen bum,
A-t-t-a-k-i-n quotes..the psalm, took the alm an left your skin soaked in balm, then I later provoke to embalm,
There's too many thoughts flowin back an forth in The mental, notice the calm cause anaclisis invokes no harm

****The Year is 2137 A.D. an the Antichrist has broke the law****

....So my advice to yall in the 21st century is to limit first iniquity cause second's pass fast an minute's burst instantly,
With the quickness.. this verse, that's filled with tough words should submerge enough strength within the flesh,
....To at least contest with the mend's of stress have benignance contend with the trends of sin at best,
....Or face the tact that's been belaborin the seed of Abraham, waver the deed's that indeed direct's the behavior of man,
An that's not from the mouth of Mz. Dé-Lüsîønal, thats the saviors demand,
The queen of vain lore... flingin flames that blaze hordes that follow the leader into the eternity of yearnin pleas,
The consumin fire thats burnin internally...an im not talkin about hell, or anything of that mind-frame,
Don't let'cha third eye strain, where you'll face centuries of leg breaks an decades of headaches,
Therefore, i forethought to dedicate these words of wisdom..but not to medicate your wounds,
Nor let the dead awake in tombs, or even premedicate the doom...its an automatic habit to let the angst prepare to detonate...then......BoOM!

Narrator: 'It was nice of you to give advice Mz. Dé-Lüsîønal..... from 135 Years in The Future!'



'...i'll take my seat atop the Brooklyn Bridge with a coke and a bag of chips to watch a thousand lemmings plummet just because the first one slipped...'- Aesop Rock
 
Jun 11, 2002
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#2


tight shit. Only think i could think of is make the sentences a lil tighter (as in closer) by cutting off the excess words.

for example...

"its easy for me to be greedy-"

cut the "its" out

"easy for me to be greedy"

not to say cut that actual line but when a sentence gets to long it loses the beat.
 
Oct 4, 2002
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#3
Big Paqo said:
tight shit. Only think i could think of is make the sentences a lil tighter (as in closer) by cutting off the excess words.

for example...

"its easy for me to be greedy-"

cut the "its" out

"easy for me to be greedy"

not to say cut that actual line but when a sentence gets to long it loses the beat.



alright, i see what you mean. should i just post my shit the way you would flow it? i donno, maybe it would be easyer for some kats to read... cause i know my bars get streched... but if i shortened them all, it would be like readin a dam book. but okay.... thank's for the feedback.






`duCe`
 
A

All Out HOGG

Guest
#7
I liked the beggening...But then i didn't like the rest... 2/10 overall

I like some'a ya content & then some'a ya content is just senseless bullshit...

Shame is i read your battle against pimpsmooth or whatever & your rymes was going downhill & not improve'n...

Im SMuRF, Ima HOGG, I like head, I like watermellon...Im out
 
A

All Out HOGG

Guest
#9
EVERYTHING

To start with how about staying consistant with your story...You start out coo then partway down blabber off into about emcee'z or some shit...You need to expand your vocabuluary in all aspects...You seem to have use of large words down well...But large words don't mean shit...i garentee i could spit sumthin with more large words then youve ever seen...it don't mean it'll be dope...Think of it this way...read your rap...change all those large words to thier simple definitions & reread your rap that way...see if it actuley sounds tight still...or if them big words is just polluten it [however the fuck you spell pulloten???]...or if there actuley helping you sound better...& to further expand on what i was saying about your vocab...learn to use small words that not everyone else has heard aswell as just large words...

'Alaphroiskiotois" - 'SMuRF@2099"
 
Oct 4, 2002
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#10
alright... i'll take that into concideration. but as for the 'big words' ... im not sure if i see what your sayin... an yea, maybe i could re-write my shit with the 'simpler meaning' for text since some of yall just aint seemin to 'understand'... but i dont think im gonna cause thats just my style... i dont write with 'simple' words, that just aint my style.... sorry if you aint feelin it. but chea... i hear what your sayin... thanks for the feedback, i appreciate[spellin?] it




`duCe`