How much does your childhood effect your adult life?

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Sergeant Hustle

Sergeant Hustle

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#1
May 5, 2002
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www.karliehustle.com
#1
I notice things that happened in my childhood effect me negatively as an adult. Sometimes overwhelming urges to run for the hills when I'm dealing with the possibility of commitment take over me, for example. If I feel someone getting too close, I shut down and find a way to make them something negative. I know it all has to do with things I've seen as a kid.

Do you all think counseling works?
 
Lamberto Quintero

Lamberto Quintero

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#2
May 13, 2002
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montyslaw.blogspot.com
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Not necessarily counseling, but just taking time to talk with someone about your problems definitely helps. Counseling helps a lot of people though, but I think it's just the fact that once you start talking about things and thinking about things from the past, you can start the process of getting over them and accepting yourself the way you are. It's a long process and it takes time and effort, but if you really want to get better, than simply talking with people about your problems is always the first step. I write a lot as well, but just as long as you're approaching your past with the notion of understanding why you are the way you are and what things made you that way, you're headed for the right direction. You have to embrace your past and not reject it like a lot of people like to do who had tough childhoods. Everything that has ever happened in your life helped shape who you are today, whether you see it as a negative or positive experience...
 
Sergeant Hustle

Sergeant Hustle

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#3
May 5, 2002
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www.karliehustle.com
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True. I have done a lot of writing and talking and I feel like I'm always reverting back to the same place. The fear of being in a committed relationship and/or the fear of being made a fool of within a relationship and/or being abandoned are hot button issues for me, bigtime. I'm just so bored of the same cycle. I feel safer when I commit to nothing, and am single. But then I think hey, I'm 30, shouldn't I hurry up and find someone and build a life? Ugh, I just feel so much expectation and pressure. I usually end up just doing nothing.
 
Talus

Talus

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May 14, 2002
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Love is like those games at a carnival... you can play the easy ones where everyone always wins some prize...like a cheap lil key chain or something... or you can play the really tough ones and take home the giant life size teddy bear.
 
Talus

Talus

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May 14, 2002
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well its just a theory and psychology is an art not a science but... I believe that past relationships with fam/loved ones of any sort does affect the way that you bond to futer loved ones weather they be friends/fam/intamate.
also attatchment theory is a big one.
The theory basically states that in order to love and grow truley intamate with another they both need the opertunity to love and be loved in return and if they are denied that especially early in life then they will have problems later.
 
R

rekomstop

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#10
Mar 4, 2007
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#10
yep, counseling can work because that gives you pretty much a blank slate to dump your emotional baggage on(sorry, i'd hate to be a psychologist for that reason haha.) because sometimes talkin to someone you know, they have a skewed view of what your trying to say cause of their experiences or value they give to your experience(like as a child or something) because sometimes people will say "oh that's nothing, that happened all the time to me" or some shit and makes you feel like a retard for even letting it affect you as an adult.

Like for an example, my mom would just ignore us in the store, like i would be fascinated by something and playing with it, and she would leave without sayin anything, and would be at the cash register by the time i realized she was gone, and would sometimes go to the car without even tryin to find where i was in the store(it was always wal-mart too, where it was insanely packed), i remember when i was 6 years old, i couldn't find her for like 15-20 minutes, i freaked out, and i finally resorted to the front counter, she took like 15 min. to get over there, lol i think she was secretly hoping that she would lose one of us for good...psycho depressed bitch..
but yeah lol.
that always happened, even if i didn't pay attention for like 30 seconds, she'd be MIA.

But yeah, i freaked out on my ex numerous times, because he would just trail off while we were somewhere pretty crowded...lol, poor guy..
 
Talus

Talus

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May 14, 2002
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#12
Counseling is not the only thing you know... Knowing accepting understanding these things can help they are just hurdles not walls.
You have been posting lots of really thoughtfull/spiritual stuff recently its really nice that the GOM forum isnt just about debating senslessly right now like it can be at times...
But back to you again even if this barrier seems like something you cant overcome one day its just going to happen... your going to have to really understand the dynamics of whats going on and how to avoid triggers of the flight response that you are having. really dig in and search yourself and the types of people you have relationships with.
Good luck
 
Filthy Bay Ent

Filthy Bay Ent

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#13
Nov 21, 2007
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#13
Sergeant Hustle said:
I notice things that happened in my childhood effect me negatively as an adult. Sometimes overwhelming urges to run for the hills when I'm dealing with the possibility of commitment take over me, for example. If I feel someone getting too close, I shut down and find a way to make them something negative. I know it all has to do with things I've seen as a kid.

Do you all think counseling works?
Click to expand...
if you dont mind me askin. did you find a direct link to a specific event in your childhood that you can say is effecting your stance towards commitment? and if so what was it?
 
Sergeant Hustle

Sergeant Hustle

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#14
May 5, 2002
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www.karliehustle.com
#14
thanks for responding, guys. i do fine for awhile, and then it all backs up on me again. it's like how a drug addict falls off the wagon and relapses. commitment actually makes me panic. my stomach gets all queasy and i just want OUT.

i'm sure it has something to do with my absent father. the whole "abandonment" issue. the last time i saw him was at the age of 12. i spoke with him a few times when i was 18 when he decided to call out of nowhere. then i spoke with him again at 20 when my brother died of an overdose. he told my mom it was her fault, even though he was AWOL for years on end. we argued. i spoke with him again at 29 (last year). he talked about the same shit he always talks about, rehashing his failed relationship with my mom and blame, blame, blame. it's like he hasn't grown a single iota over the past 18 years. then he was hounding me the other month, and finally i called him back. he wanted to know what the exact date was that my mom and him got divorced so he could leech off her social security. i hung up and haven't spoken to him since. he's just a moron.

so yea, dad gone. brother addicted to drugs. his addiction monopolized all of my mom's time, and the time she didn't spend enabling him, she was on dates with hella different dudes. i really just felt like i raised myself. i don't know anything but myself and i don't trust anyone. intimacy and emotions and vulnerablity i look at as weakness, and they repulse me. i play like i'm tough and anything mushy makes me recoil. lovey dovey mess is only enjoyable when i know for sure the relationship can't go anywhere past casual sex.

so yea, i'm a mess. and i'm 30 and i try to get my mind right, but always end up in the same place.
 
NovaFire

NovaFire

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May 24, 2007
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#17
Sergeant Hustle said:
oh yea, please consider a bout of sexual abuse as a six and seven year old. there's another zinger.
Click to expand...
find something you love and are passionate about, and share it. thats it.

heres a quote

" those who seek and find their life will lose it, and those who lose it for the sake of others will find it"
 
R

rekomstop

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#19
Mar 4, 2007
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#19
Well to tell you the truth sergeant, i understand where you are coming from, well except for the very young childhood experience, i'm sorry any children must go through an experience like that.

Luckily i can say, i saved my own little sisters from that experience, by taking the initiative of basically being their mother, except i couldn't pay for everything because i only had a part time job as a tutor, but majority of stuff for them(which wasn't much because of lack of money) was paid by me.

My mom was working full time, WHILE going to college full time, while my dad, as like yours was gone, but with his girlfriend half his age. My mom's boyfriend was a creep and was not allowed in the state of new york because of the extreme restraining order that his ex-wife got on him. Needless to say, i knew he was crazy, and he always was doin creepy shit to me, so i never knew what he was going to do to them.

So yeah, raising yourself definitely makes you an ultra-independent person, and it takes a lot of realization in order to overcome that...

i dunno, like Talus said, you seem to be posting a lot of spiritual questions that i have been going over lately...
Your never too old to live in love, and hey, time is just an illusion anyways, right?
Oh btw i have an awesome article about that, i can send you it if you want, its from an anthropology journal(i actually got the pdf of it)...

well if you ever wanna hit me up, since i really do understand where your comin from on a lot of this shit, then my aim is rekomstop4eva or just pm me or w/e if you want..
 
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