OMG, I've pulled #10, 4, and 5- LOL
George Costanza's Commandments for Working Hard
1. Never walk without a document in your hands
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for
important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're
heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like
they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff
home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work
longer hours than you do.
2. Use computers to look busy
Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You
can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a blast without
doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal
benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about
but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you *will*
get caught -- your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new
software, thus saving valuable training dollars.
3. Messy desk
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks
like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your
workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work;
it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is
coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an
existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
4. Voice Mail
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just
because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they
want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls
through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it
sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not
there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're
being a devious weasel.
5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed
According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient and
annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.
6. Leave the office late
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You
could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no
time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your
way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.)
and during public holidays.
7. Creative Sighing for Effect
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you
are under extreme pressure.
8. Stacking Strategy
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on
the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).
9. Build Vocabulary
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new
products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember:
They don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.
10. Have 2 Jackets
If you work in a big open plan office, always leave a spare jacket draped over
the back of your seat. This gives the impression that you are still on the
premises. The second jacket should be worn while swanning around elsewhere!
11. MOST IMPORTANT:
DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!
George Costanza's Commandments for Working Hard
1. Never walk without a document in your hands
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for
important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're
heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like
they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff
home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work
longer hours than you do.
2. Use computers to look busy
Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You
can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a blast without
doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal
benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about
but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you *will*
get caught -- your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new
software, thus saving valuable training dollars.
3. Messy desk
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks
like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your
workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work;
it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is
coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an
existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
4. Voice Mail
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just
because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they
want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls
through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it
sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not
there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're
being a devious weasel.
5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed
According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient and
annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.
6. Leave the office late
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You
could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no
time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your
way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.)
and during public holidays.
7. Creative Sighing for Effect
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you
are under extreme pressure.
8. Stacking Strategy
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on
the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).
9. Build Vocabulary
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new
products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember:
They don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.
10. Have 2 Jackets
If you work in a big open plan office, always leave a spare jacket draped over
the back of your seat. This gives the impression that you are still on the
premises. The second jacket should be worn while swanning around elsewhere!
11. MOST IMPORTANT:
DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!