Lost Tourist on the Rez

[Calm 1 NPK 503]

An blonde woman from New York City was driving through the rez sightseeing when her car broke down on a deserted dusty road. The only things around her where the sage brushes and an occasional lizard running pass. She was feeling helpless and in tears.

Then off in the distance she saw an Indian on horseback coming along. When he came up to her, she noticed he was wearing just a lion cloth. He offered her a ride to a nearby garage. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.

The horse would start off into a gallop and the woman would grasp on tighter. Then all of a sudden the man would yell out, "Wooooowhoooo!!!!!" The whoop was so loud that it would echo into the surrounding hills.

This happened over and over again, the horse would run off into a gallop and the woman would tighten her grip and the indian man would holler "WOOOWHOOOO!!"

Finally they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final, "Yahoo!" and rode off into the sunset.

"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant.

"Nothing" shrugged the woman, "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians ride bareback."

 

[Calm 1 NPK 503]

Stranger in Indian Country
A tourist traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small border town and went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar, ordered a drink, and lit up a cigar.

As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings. After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, a big angry Indian stomped up to him and said, "One more remark like that and I'll smash your face in!"

 

[Calm 1 NPK 503]

It doesn't sound too good
This wagon train was heading across the desert, when all of a sudden the wagon master notices that on all sides of the valley, they were surrounded by Indians. He quickly forms the wagons into the "Hollywood" circle, to protect the families in the train. Nothing happens. Soon, drums are heard pounding out in the distance, BUM, bum, bum, bum, BUM, bum, bum, bum, BUM, bum, bum, bum.......(the famous Hollywood drum beat from the John Ford movies)

The wagon master tells the everyone, "I don't like the sound of this...."

From out in the distance, he hears a voice yelling, "We don't like the sound of it either. He's not our regular drummer!"

 

[Calm 1 NPK 503]

These three "klans"men were driving across the rez flying the stars and bars off their antenna. The tribal police pulled them over. He was the biggest damn skin those klansmen had ever seen. He walked up to the drivers side looked at the driver then hit him in the jaw a blow stronger than a mules kick.
"What the hell you do that for, Chief?" the driver asked.

"You know when an officer pulls you over you should have your license and insurance papers ready," said the Skin.

He then walked over to the passenger window and hits that guy even harder.

"Damn it, boys," the cop said, "You know I want to check your damn I.D. too."

The cop then handed back the passenger his I.D.

Suddenly he reached into the truck and hits the guy in the middle in his mouth knocking out his front teeth. "What the hell was that for ?" said the guy in the middle.

"That was for WISHING," said the cop.

"What you talking about?" said the klansmen.

"Well if I hadn't hit you just now you would have gone down the road saying to your friends, 'I WISH THAT BIG INDIAN HAD TRIED THAT SHIT WITH ME!'"

 

[Calm 1 NPK 503]

The old tribal chairman was on his deathbed. He had only hours to live when he suddenly smelled the scent of frybread wafting into his room.

Aaahhhh... He loved frybread more than anything else in the world.

With his last bit of energy, he pulled himself out of bed. Down the stairs and into the kitchen he went. There was his beloved wife, Lillian kneading the dough for a new batch. As he reached for one of the fresh steaming frybreads, he got smacked across the back of his hand by the wooden spoon his wife was holding.

"Leave them alone!" she said. "They're for the funeral!"

 

[Calm 1 NPK 503]

Indian Trouble

Back in the old Wild West, (probably someplace around Tombstone) there were two blond cowpokes, Jeff and Dave, who were a few apples shy of a bushel.

One day, the two were enjoying a strong sarsaparilla in the local saloon, when a man walked into the bar.

The barman shakes his hand and says, "I hate Indians; last week the *&$^@#)! burnt my barn to the ground, assaulted my wife and killed my children." He then says, "If any man brings me the head of an Indian, I'll give him one thousand dollars."

The two blonds looked at each other and walked out of the bar to go hunting for an Indian. They were walking around for a while when suddenly they saw one; Jeff threw a rock which hit the Indian right on the head.

The Indian fell off his horse, but landed seventy feet down a ravine. The two dimwits made their way down the ravine where Dave pulled out a knife to claim their trophy.

Suddenly, Jeff said, "Dave, take a look at this." Dave replied, "Not now, I'm busy." Jeff tugged him on the shoulder and says, "I really think you should look at this."

Dave said, "Look, you can see I'm busy. There's a thousand dollars nearly in my hand." But Jeff was adamant. "Please, Dave, take a look at this."

So Dave looked up and saw that standing at the top of the ravine were five thousand Indians.

Dave just shook his head and said, "Oh . . . my . . . God . . . we're going to be millionaires!"

 

[Calm 1 NPK 503]

tee pee