bitches and me dont get along but we do

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Dirt E. Needlez

Sicc OG
#1
Apr 11, 2008
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#1
Rape is such an unbelievably good skill to acquire. Yes, I do call rape a skill, and even then I don't do it justice. It's more an art form. Should the dumb bitch die? Should I give her AIDS? Do I cum inside of her or just on her face? The questions are endless, and better yet, whichever way I happen to answer them lay a new fate that I've never dealt with. Perhaps this time I shall run from the cops, or maybe have to run away from some serious gangsters. Fuck, for all I know I might have to dodge some Ring Wraiths, fucken bastards always up on my ice.

Moving on, I see this bitch on the street, she gives me eye contact so I slap her and divulge my bulging meat pretzel and give her the helicopter. She screamed pleasure and I told her to fuck off. She wanted to blow me so I said okay, and we went behind a dumpster. The dumpster smelled like bukkake, but it added to the atmosphere and general mood, which was cozy and relaxed, which I liked.

Once I coated her with my seed, she said she wanted to buy me drinks, weed and cigarettes. I punched her on the shoulder, then drop kicked her in the face. She finally convinced me to let her buy me shit. I agreed. What a stupid whore.

I told her I had AIDS and she said she wanted it too. Good. After I told her to buy me some rock candy at the candy store she said that maybe we should hold hands. I kicked her in the crotch and vomited in her earlobe. If you've never vomited in anyone's earlobe, it's an interesting time. I gave her a leg drop and that was the end of that discussion.

All of the sudden we end up a shoot out between two gangs in downtown Detroit.
Instead of protecting her I rush out into the street and start shooting everybody, woman and children included. The bitch tries to give me a hard time so I shoot her 6 times in the chest, and once in the crotch, to prove that I'm a fuckin hyphy ass man and she only has a sissy vagina. After she's dead, I resurrect her, because I am a fuckin champion of the living and the dead and nothing can stop me.

After that she said she wanted to marry me, I laughed and kicked her in the neck. That taught her to open her mouth. I met up with Randy Savage at a crackhouse and we both punched her in the face; then gave her flying elbows. OOOOOOOOOOHHHH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH !!!!!

Moral of the story: Bitches that you have sex with usually have AIDS from me.

Enjoy your work day.
 
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Dirt E. Needlez

Sicc OG
#16
Apr 11, 2008
10,016
5,602
113
113
WWW.PLEASEATSOMESHIT.COM
#16
Being a playa ain't easy, kids. It takes a lot of effort to build up your network, keep certain undesirables at a safe distance, remain disease free and still have fun. Pretty soon the odd hours, threats of bodily harm from disgruntled boyfriends and husbands (dude, I'm not eating from your garden; I'm just plowing it for you when you're not home), lack of moral fiber and making sure the chick is at least fifteen start to take their toll. Plus, to be a good playa, it takes cash. You better be making bank if you want your stable of ponies to be anything more than rotten-twat, used-up swayback tramps. That's the trouble a lot of wannabe playas run into - little or no loot = little or no trim.

Well fear not, you broke-ass scrub! Dirt is here to teach you how to tag all kinds of ass AND make some ends. With my handy-dandy guide and a little ingenuity, you too can be just like me. It's not easy, brothers, but if you think this career is for you, read on.
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The first step is very important: LOWER YOUR STANDARDS. Let's face it - if you're reading this for advice, you're not getting any anyway so lowering the bar shouldn't take that much effort. Is she fat? Perfect. Is she ugly enough to make you call Janet Reno a fox? Excellent. Does she have psychotic tendencies?



Awesome. Does she have a glass eye, a hunchback and more facial hair than all the members of ZZ Top combined? Stay the hell away from my sister, you freak!


The point is that the more messed up she is, the more likely you are to score and/or get paid to do it.
 
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Dirt E. Needlez

Sicc OG
#17
Apr 11, 2008
10,016
5,602
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WWW.PLEASEATSOMESHIT.COM
#17
Second step: KNOW YOUR ENEMY, ER, CLIENT.
Moderate social skills and basic knowledge of human psychology are important if you want to become a man-whore. Women love attentive and intuitive suitors.
Start slow and try to be her "friend".
Always make deep, focused eye-contact when she's speaking to you. It's imperative that you notice the small things about her. Has she changed/cut her hair or had her nails done? Complement her on it no matter how horrible it/they look.

If she's changed something about her appearance after meeting you, there's a good chance she did it solely to see if you'd notice. If she's in a relationship with someone, stealthily observe what's missing from their exchanges.
If the significant other is failing to satisfy her needs in any way, that's where you can step in and volunteer your services. Filling the holes in her life will dictate whether or not you get to fill any of her holes, and if she gives up the back door action off 2 pills and some heem.
 
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Dirt E. Needlez

Sicc OG
#18
Apr 11, 2008
10,016
5,602
113
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WWW.PLEASEATSOMESHIT.COM
#18
Third step: VERY RARELY DO YOU PAY FOR ANYTHING.

It doesn't matter if you have a wad of Benjamins held together with a rubber band in your pocket; do not let her know. If you do so, you'll quickly find out that those bills start disappearing whether or not you get any play and you'll become the client (a.k.a. sucka indeediano ) instead.

Act like it's going to put you in a bind to buy her that dollar menu item from McDonalds, but you're doing it because you care about her.

Gas prices are also an excellent excuse. Act like you just HAD to see her tonight but you don't even know if you have the fuel to get back home.
This serves a dual purpose; she may give you money for gas (in which case, you just got your first payment,

or may even invite you to stay there with her. Now we all know that won't solve your gas "crisis", but you mustn't mention that until in the morning. The more you act like you're sacrificing necessities to spend your time with her, the more likely she'll be to pay you for that time.
 
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Dirt E. Needlez

Sicc OG
#19
Apr 11, 2008
10,016
5,602
113
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WWW.PLEASEATSOMESHIT.COM
#19
Step four: KNOW HOW TO PLEASE A WOMAN. THIS IS ALSO CRUCIALLY IMPORTANT! Look, we all know you're out to get your nut, but she better not see/know/feel that or you'll be shit out of luck. Find out all her turn-ons and turn-offs and implement them in your approaches to her. If she wants control, give it to her. If she wants to be dominated, you'd better damned well be ready to take charge

"she said she likes niggas that take charge...so I took it as a hint and when she went to take piss I stole all that bitches credit cards"

Whether she wants it slow and sweet or rough and rowdy, you'd better deliver the goods. She should get off at least four times a much as you or you will fail at ever getting another chance (for money or her). If you can make her lose count of how many times she's gotten off, she'll empty her bank accounts to have you back again.

And for God's sake man, know how to eat pussy. If you dive into her muff like a sumo wrestler at an all-you-can-eat buffet, it won't be appreciated. Tease her before you please her and she'll melt into you. Treat her nether regions like it's the best ice cream cone on the planet. Often, her body movements will let you know if you're doing it right or not. Also, some women become hyper-sensitive after cumming that first time so be careful with the clit after that. It's a roller-coaster ride for her so you have to slowly build back up for the next downhill run.

If you've gone down on her properly, she'll initiate when the actual fucking begins. Still, don't jump in there and start hammering away like you have a sewing machine for an ass. Even if she wants it rough and hard, you have to build her up to an orgasmic crescendo. The teasing is important here, too. Now I know you're just dying to get your dik wet, but you'll be more likely to get paid for it if she begs you to put it in there and get it on.
 
D

Dirt E. Needlez

Sicc OG
#20
Apr 11, 2008
10,016
5,602
113
113
WWW.PLEASEATSOMESHIT.COM
#20
Step five: ALWAYS LEAVE HER SATIATED BUT WANTING MORE. Face it, though: If you've gotten though step four and you're not making loot off of her, you've lost the battle. You're nothing but a joke and you bring shame to the man-whore name.Respect is demanded at this time and your sacrifice will enrich and teach those worthy of the title. Teaching others by your mistakes, failure and subsequent suicide will ensure that the man-whore pool remains strong and pure.
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Step six: THERE IS NO STEP SIX, YOU NO-PAYING-PUSSY-GETTING MOTHERFUCKER! Why haven't you fallen on your sword yet? If you get to step six, get ready for a life of paying for any ass you get and long, lonely nights of masturbating to donkey-on-midget porn. The only advice I could give you at this point would be to buy stock in Jergen's and Kleenex, because you're going to be pushing their profits up anyway.
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And there you have it, kids. This is by no means a comprehensive guide as the human female tends to be inherently unpredictable. If you start slow and pay attention to detail, however, I promise you'll be making scratch by banging snatch in no time. Once you're established and making mad money, you can work on trying to bag that lass that'll make YOU pay to get it.
 
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