Have you found jesus? (funny shit)

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Apr 25, 2002
saw this on a wiccan message board, had to share with you all, enjoy!

So, I'm standing at a bus stop and they pull up. A car load of well
meaning, bible thumping nut cases that are just frantic! The middle
aged professionally dressed woman rushes forward...she takes my arm
and with trembling voice, she asks, "Have you found Jesus?" Her eyes
plead with an urgency that is out of proportion to a bus stop.

Now, normally I just politely decline the sermon and free religious
paperwork that such folk pawn off on unsuspecting by-standers. But,
unfortunately for her, she is the fourth car to accost me in the last
9 minutes. So by now I'm beginning to wonder what the heck is wrong
with these people. I mean if it's not Christians, it's the Jehovah's
Witnesses. Can a simple Druid get no peace?

So calmly as I can muster, without being sarcastic, I reply, "You
people lost him, again??" The woman looks confused. This is not the
response she was hoping for and she needs to regroup. She takes a
deep breath intending to launch into her sales pitch for her God, and
church, paying no heed to the concept that I might not be into being

I decide to not let her get going so I launch into a speech of my
own. "What is wrong with you Christians? Every time I turn around
you've lost Him!" I hit her with a glare of accusation. "I mean
really..." I take a measured breath. "How do you expect to have
anyone follow a deity that you can't even find!"
The poor woman looks stunned. This isn't going so good. Panicked she
looks desperately to the car...surely one of the men can help.

Undaunted I press on... "Maybe the problem is with you people. I mean
Muslims never seem to lose their deity. Come to think of it, neither
do Jews or Pagans of any kind." I look at the man getting out of the
car. He's all smiles. "I realize you people used to burn people like
me at the stake. What was that about...deity even? I may be a Pagan-
heathen, but I have never ever woke up panicked that I couldn't find
my Goddess or God. They are always right where they should be... In
the fire of my candle, in the air that I breath, in the earth that I
stand on, in the water of my spring. I never feel abandoned by my

"Of course, you Christians aren't much fun," I continue. By now they
are all out of the car. Befuddled, aghast, and at a loss for words.
"Of course," I offer trying to give them some defense for losing
Jesus. "He could have left due to religious differences. If I
remember correctly, He was Jewish. So if you're really so eager to
find him," I smile gently to soften the blow, "check the nearest
synagogue. He's probably in there. Also, you folks should try and
remember that this is America...where freedom of religion means ALL

Slowly they climb back into their car and drive away.
I stand at the bus stop... No pamphlets, no bible, no dogma. I
haven't found Jesus, but I haven't lost him either.
Someone sent this to you because they believe no one can have too
much Deity. It is a blessing in disguise. You can keep it to yourself
or pass it on. Oh, and if you've found Jesus, please get his face on
the evening news A.S.A.P, so the Christians can stop looking for him.
Sep 19, 2003
I wish I could've told off some of them people like that. The ones down here are bad. "I used to gangbang ese, but I found God....bla bla bla..." We used to chill at this spot in front of their spot, and they'd have those stupid microphone things like the police, and would be saying dumb shit like, "Put the alcohol down holmes... Jesus loves you..." We'd try telling them to mind their f-ing business, but these dudes just wouldn't stop. They even came up and asked us to take off our hats one day so we could be saved "right now". I think they would just try to purposely piss us off. I've got nothing against Jesus or anything like that, I just don't think claiming to be a soldier of God and forcing religion upon other people is cool.
May 13, 2002
2-0-Sixx said:
Anywayz, these two guys were walking door to door, dressed in there black suites, I figured they were some Jesus people, so I got a plain white sheet of paper from my printer and a sharpe. I folded the paper neatly so it looked like a pamphlet, then I patiently waited outside. They both walked up to me and the leader, looked at me and said, "I'm here to give you a message from our Lord Jesus Christ." I smiled at him and replied, "Well I too have a message for you." I then handed him the piece of paper, he had a huge smile on his face while he unfolded it, then a look of pure shock took over as he read, "666 FUCK JESUS 666 "