I've been diagnosed and had depression since I was 11. I also have two Seperate PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder).. The first and main incident was when I was 1 1/2.. I was brutally beaten by my bio father for throwing up half on the toilet, i went to hospital for weeks with severe trauma, it is my earliest memory in life.. I can still remember it like yesterday.. My faggot ass dad went to jail or prison for it, I never have known him since cuZ he lost all rights and he was already physically abusive to my mom before I was born, during her pregnancy with me and shit... Anyways, that bullshit whether I like it or not has affected me, my mental health, choices, daily life, EVERYTHING since.. I also have diagnosed depression, which at times was classified as bipolar but I think that was wrong, and also dysthymia.. And anxiety. I have taken damn near every major anti depressant, mood stabilizer, and SSRI out there.. Which every kind except one fucked me up worse than I already was with extreme side affects.. I was 230 at age 14.. I am usually 160/170.. But the one I did take with positive affects was called Remeron, but I only took that during the six months or so after my first time kicking dope.. Since getting back on the boy, I seem to be doing "alright" given my circumstances but I would basically say my depression has never left me.. It's situational as far as where my life is at, and it's severity.. Sometimes it's so bad I don't leave the bed, don't eat shower shave etc but I self medicate with drugs so that def affects shit.. Eventually putting me in a tailspin and mindfuck, turned the fuck out, and hating myself and life like no other. I have been in treatment 14 times, the psych ward at the hospital maybe 7/8 times.. Half those in my early teenage years cuz I was on those gay ass meds, the other half as a desperate dope sick heroin addict, looking for a safe place to kick to either switch to suboxone temporarily or to get help expediting the treatment process.. But I've never ever tried to kill myself, not with drugs, not with guns or anything else.. Though ive sat with pistols in my mouth crying during my roughest days.. I had to make those claims in order to be admitted to the hospital... But if anyone else has been ther, you know it's a country club.. There's always crazy bitches there to fuck wit, you get to order 3 meals of your choice, and get a bed n place to stay during the winter.. For as long as you choose the vacation.. Lol... Recently I've been able to break that habit, I haven't been in any type of facility of any kind besides jail n shit for 2 years now, so I consider myself blessed. I finally for once am trying to clean up (house arrest, probation and a 3 year stay of imposition are what I'm currently dealing with right now) I'm consciously able to stop shooting heroin and smoking weed all on my own, without the threats of executing my sentence or forced treatment by my PO... but I found a good woman thats in my life that really cares about me, which has given me a big motivation to hang in there and attempt to really "grow up" and take care of myself, my health and well being, and changing my thoughts n behaviors aka giving up the "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK" attitude I've had my whole life.. Anyways this is just my personal 2 cents. Don't know if it helps you bro but stick in there. Things always get better, (eventually but slowly on their own) but if you are open to trying new things, ideas and are motivated to get better.. I believe you will. Be honest with yourself about your life.. Where your at, how you got there and what works, and doesn't work, for YOU. Don't get caught up in other peoples b.s / hype because only you know what you need to get and feel better. Not everyone's the same I'm sure you know there is no such thing as a magic cure all.. But keep an open mind, research your particular issues, c a mental health professional if needed, talk to family friends people here, etc and keep a positive mind. Look up the book/movie called " The Secret". It explains the Law of Attraction.. Positive Feelings=Positive Thoughts=Positive Actions.. You get what you wish for basically. It's a dope philosophy, I try to incorporate it into my daily life as much as I can. I highly highly reccommend it.